An infant cannot even control his bodiy functions. Most adolescents can't control extreme swings in their emotions because of peer pressure. There's no power of control in either case. Sadly, adults who are insecure have never learned to control themselves either. They abrogate control to other people, circumstances,and myriad other external influences. Centuries ago Seneca observed this tendency when he noted, "most powerful is he who has mastered himself in his own power."
If self-control were easy, it wouldn't require maturity and discipline. Mastery of self doesn't happen by default. Like any other worthwhile goal, it takes effort, but the benefits associated with it can't be attained through any other means.
"The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions," quipped Alfred Lord Tennyson. Undisciplined people let passions master them, rather than the other way around. There are long and short term considerations. In the beginning stages of self-mastery, there may be a season of struggle before notable success is reached, but sustained mastery is the ticket to significant achievement.
Take education, for example. Going to class, writing papers, turning in assignments when they're due leads to the intermediate goal of earning college credit. Extended over four years, this leads to completing the requirements for a degree, which opens doors to further opportunities.
Discerning what one can and cannot control enables one to stop being obsessed with things that waste mental energy. You can't control the weather, other people, or some circumstances. You can control your attitude, what you say, and your actions. Catherine Pulsifer advises, "when you find yourself stressed, ask yourself a question: Will this matter in 5 years from now? If yes, then do something about the situation. If not, let it go."
Self-control is a prerequisite to reaching goals regardless of the arena. Jacques Barzun pointed out, "finding oneself was a misnomer, a self is not found but made." That same line of thinking was evident when Pietro Arretino wrote, "I am indeed a king, because I know how to rule myself."
Reaching the level of maturity where one is not carried about by arbitrary occurrences is a mindset that has positive ramifications for all of life. Indeed, it is a quality of life decision. Marcus Aurelius summed it up quite well when he wrote, "if you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it, and this you have power to revoke at any moment."
Dr. Covington writes on goal-setting and motivation.