Remember when you sat down on that couch last night, next to that eccentric standing lamp with bright light on, right after that very late multi-course dinner, and dozed off? It was very close to midnight when you finally turned off that TV --while the violent movie with that dramatic sound that could scare the devil rolled on--and went to bed.
Well, my dear, you had just updated your whole-body-function program!
The following updates have been successfully downloaded:
1. I do not want to burn that pile of food for energy. Turn off the burning mode and store the new pile of fat for later use.
2. Please turn off the melatonin production tonight. I want to prolong daylight to maximize playtime. Besides, who needs to sleep when there is so much to do, so many movies to watch? And later, when I can’t get to sleep anymore, I will get a good prescription of Valium-- or some other stuff-- to put me to sleep.
3. When you turn off the melatonin production, don’t forget to also turn off my immune system, as I know they work in symbiosis. Besides, if I contract some bacteria, my doctor prescribes the best antibiotics money can buy.
4. I do not want my liver to flush and clean itself in the night because it has to work overtime digesting the multi course meal. What’s the point of living if you can’t enjoy good food?
5. Keep my nerves agitated with that TV on -- to produce lots of positive ions, thus eliminating the negative ions my nerves need to remain calm tomorrow-- as I need more anger to deal with my selfish partner.
6. I want my pancreas to produce lots of insulin to process the sugar I ate with my meal, and don’t worry, if the pancreas gets tired of producing insulin and stops, the good old doctors will provide synthetic insulin to keep me going.
7. I also want the neurotransmitters in my gut to stop connecting with my brain. I don’t want to know when I’m full, so that I can eat my money’s worth.
8. I want my subconscious to record as much violence as possible so that I can face this crazy world and change that sweet disposition that makes me feel vulnerable. Please make me feel like RAMBO.
9. Last but not least, I want to live a hectic life, enjoy as much as I can. Never mind worrying about cancer, diabetes or other things. Multiply the killer T cells. You have to die of something someday!
One day, while lying on a hospital bed, if you come out alive, and you have a change of mind after suffering so much, you may upload other programs and turn things around.
You may do the following:
1. Do not eat after 6:00 PM.
2. Do not sit after your meal. Take a walk –even inside the apartment—let your body know you want to turn on the burning mode and turn off the hording mode.
3. Go to bed early and be asleep before midnight, as melatonin gets released between the hours of midnight and 2:00 AM.
4. Turn off all electronic gadgets not in use (lights, TV, computers) to limit the production of positive ions that cause you to be agitated and depressed.
5. Limit your consumption of fried foods and sweets, and give your liver a break. You will be rewarded with a sweet breath in the morning.
6. Use salt sparingly and eliminate all chemicals -- food additives, preservatives, artificial sweeteners such as aspartame; genetically engineered food, such as soy, canola, non organic farmed raised fish; non organic meats, food coloring, food that has been micro-waved, etc. Give your kidneys a chance to survive without dialysis.
7. Remember that everything you say, hear and see are recorded in the master program. Be careful what you expose yourself to. If you would not have a character as a guest in your house, do not watch him on TV.
8. If you don’t want something done to you, do not do it to anyone as it will come back to bite you.
9. Be kind to yourself and it will have a rippling effect. You will attract Love.
Alternative health practitioner masquerading as an attorney in real life