Anger has gotten far too negative a rap over the last few years. I know that may sound strange coming from a guy who makes a good chunk of his living from teaching an anger management course but I really do believe it to be the case.Anger is part of being human. We all get angry, you just can't get around it. Be it your kids doing something risky or the person with too many items in the express line, there are things in life that are going to make you angry.
The real issue is how we express anger. Use it the right way and it can be your friend. Use it the wrong way (i.e. become aggressive) and in most situations it leads to trouble. The real loss that anger misused is to you, You can be completely in the right, but if you are a jerk about the way you are expressing your point, the only thing that is seen as wrong is you.
Its not always easy to avoid aggression however. The reason for this is that anger is there to sound a warning alarm to danger, whether real be it to our physical being or emotional self. Take a second and look back at all the times you've gotten mad - has there ever been a time when something you value was not on the line, either for real or in your mind?And, obviously your natural impulse when threatened is to get aggressive in order to defend it.
Many people who struggle with anger management think they have no control over themselves in these situations but that's not exactly true.Take a moment to reflect, surely there have been times when you've gotten very angry very quickly but did not act on it.Maybe a police officer pulled you over but you said nothing because you knew you would get a bigger fine or end up in jail.
I just want you to remember that anger a normal emotion, that its aggression that gets us in trouble and under certain circumstances we have more control over it than we realize.
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Dr. Joe James is a psychologist who is the developer of an online anger class.