Ok. I'm guilty. I love the opposite sex! At times I indulge but like candy it's sooo ohhh sooo good yet it spoils your stomach.
There's nothing better than the look of desire I get, especially when I am relating my own desire to be wanted. To be needed whether out and about or in our private place.
As great as all these feelings are..... I just cannot compromise my relationship with the Lord.
I have gone through at least 3 periods of abstinence in my life. First when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I refused to allow any man to touch me until I was better. Then I became too large to feel sexy so I just threw in the towel. Then I got even larger and was too embarrassed. Each of those times I went for about 2 years of abstinence.
Let me tell you a secret I can still hear the Lord's whisper, as I traveled through the foggy dimensions of my mind. He softly whispered "refrain from your impulses and develop an intellect. After years of thinking I finally get it. Almost 10 years later.
What the Lord meant... he wanted me to learn how to cope with my illness early on so that I can be useful for his ministry. By adopting a few lifestyle changes he recomends in the bible.
Now what is this ministry????To change my life? He requires prerequisites to enter into his kingdom??? No!
He would just like if you passed on his message of hope.That just by his power and grace you can be made whole. That your life should be lived in the best way you can and that usually means to align your will with his.
That surely he blesses you when you refrain from your impulses= go against unhealthy desires develop an intellect= to become successful to discover your calling and develop your talents that can only be strengthened by an honest relationship with the Lord.
As I compare the stages in my life, I see it clearly. The times I've been abstinent I felt roundabout by angels, shining and all.
One of those nights I walked across a mirror and I promise to you I saw a big child. As if he had me in a bubble protecting me from my illness. From the mood swings, giving me my time to slowly heal with so much grace and lovingkindness.
In awe I was of how holistic and powerful being abstinent can be. When I am in a relationship and tend to indulge in sex, I promise that my countenance is that of a stranger. Reflecting back at me, a rebellious soul who knows right and chooses wrong.
For my father in heaven knows me not. When I do those things that are unfavorable in his sight.
I'm sorry but the joy and peace I get from abstinence is untradeable. I kid you not creatively..... on another level when I dare to refrain from my impulse. The creative surge is unexplainable. It caused within me this like powerful self esteem thing. That just makes me feel powerful as a woman.
It makes me feel more confident and more comfortable around the opposite sex. It surely fills me with joy! Contentment that somehow the Lord is in my life because of the fruits of his labor. I feel happy and fulfilled being an active participant in the plan he has for my salvation.
When I am not well in my mental illness my connection with the Lord is tested. It so happens that the one thing that would be considered my toughest battle is being pure.
Don't get me wrong I smoke like a chimney, I drink like a fish everything in excess. Never moderate, whole bottles gone packs of cigs a day. It's a mess but yet when I am in purity and practicing abstinence I feel sheltered by God. I feel like I am going somewhere with this "living right" thing.
I told this to my friend once. She found it quite interesting. She listened and took it all in. I was glad she didn't think it was weird because nowadays it is. Especially in the world we live in today. Being promiscuous is very acceptable yet living in abstinence gives me a liberation to feel the spirit of Christ work fervently in my heart.
When you align your will with the will of God, there is really no stopping how effectively you can really be used by God. You become alive, in different aspects of your life. You become to self reflect and wonder what more can you want out of your life and become more willing to make the effort.
I am passionate about making a sustainable living from my writing. To be able to live comfortably without any help. To continue to think of topics all day and write them write up. I envy structure, routine and monotony all wonderful attributes of what it really means to be content and live a life that is plentiful.
That only God gave me the ability to write and he gave me that talent although I still write well when not in abstinence, he makes sure I am overwhelmed by topics when I am in alignment with his word.
If only more people set out to prove this as I have we would each be successful in our own right in the way God meant us to be.
Sin has the tendency to fog your eyes. That is what unhealthy life practices tend to do. They give you comfort for the moment then you start building tolerance till it becomes your graven image. Leaving no room or place in your life for God.
That is the sin yet the Lord is merciful and loving, with patience and love he yearns for us to live a life more aligned with his will. A life that will keep us content and happy in his promises of everlasting life.
The life he wishes for me to have is a life of peace, creativity and love, so I decided to become an active participant in trying to pursue this "christian" lifestyle.
He ultimately wants us to have a healthy life full of abundance and joy. You can try to achieve it with overindulgence and excess but that is very hard to do.
Having a spiritual life is not about being what you may hear about "christians", it is more about really stepping up and claiming your blessings. Not that God requires prerequisites more like he requires permission to enter your life. An access key.
Maybe remaining abstinent is not your "offering" maybe it's drinking or smoking which I am also working on but I decided that nothing will stop me from pursuing my goals of ultimately living a healthy life. Which to me is to serve God wholeheartedly.
All I can really offer right now is to preserve my body and do feel that I serve a merciful God who makes me stronger and stronger to overcome other struggles I may have.
Hope this post creates within me a new commitment to honor the Lord in my abstinence and step it up a notch!
May the readers be blessed by this post!
This article is about how becoming abstinent during the beginning of my treatment in Bipolar Disorder helped me become more spiritually inclined which has lead me to being more creative. I am living proof and give my testimony that when you become an active participant striving to align your will with the will of God, he will truly bless you. In ways that will bring your heart personal contentment.