Addicted to Suffering

What do we truly refer to when we speak of addictions? What do I mean when I say that I´m addicted to something, be it a substance such as nicotine, alcohol or heroine, or be it an activity, such as sex, gambling or work? What is the major driving force pushing me to addictive behavior? In my view it´s fear. Fear of what I´m feeling right now and what this might turn into. Fear of being open and vulnerable to life and everything that might be far beyond my control. Fear of the unknown. Fear of suffering. And finally, fear of dying.

What happens in our brain when we are pushed to addictive behavior, be it substance-abuse or anything else? Being in fear means that our survival mechanisms are at high alert. The primitive regions of our brains are activated and all is set in place for a flight-or-fight reaction. Fear arises when we feel threatened and in danger. But fear is not always based on real threats and dangers. Actually most fears are not. We may be afraid of many things our mind interprets as dangerous, as it anticipates their possible outcomes. One of the best examples are our emotions. We feel sadness and fiercefully resist it, because a part of us believes that we will be doomed to live in sorrow and depression for the rest of our lives, if we open up to that energy. The same is true for anger and also fear itself. All emotions are painful experiences when resisted. But it is us that turn them into suffering, simply by being unwilling to experience them.

If fear controls our minds, it will always dramatise and exacerbate our experience. Why? Because we cut ourselves off from our own source of knowingness and intuition and let ourselves be carried away into survival mode. Though we don´t have a truly rational explanation for it, we are somehow convinced that we are in danger of dying if we don´t follow the instructions our panic-struck thoughts are dictating us.

If we lose connection to who-we-truly-are, we can easily get caught up into the pain-and-drama-story our minds create. We stop identifying with the infinite, eternal part of us, which is our soul and start identifying with ourselves as our thoughts and our bodies. That is when fear takes over as a controlling energy, no longer a simple experience. We don´t allow fear to flow through us as fear is not a place we want to be at. So we resist it. But resistance itself is born of fear and vice versa. The only true response to fear is love. Love is the truth of our being, the rememberance of who-we-truly-are. Love is acceptance. It does not fight anything, nor does it resist, it does not need to prove, to conquer or to convince. Love simply is. And if the fearful part of us is met with love, it remembers itself as being part of the all-inclusive love we truly are. Fear met with love dissolves. Fear met with fear exacerbates.

What does this mean with respect to addictive behavior? If fear is the driving force behind all addictions, what does opening up to our fear change with respect to our addictions? If you can be with your fear, you remove the obstacle separating you from what is going on inside of you. It may be sadness, loneliness, guilt, shame. All the unwelcomed visitors you tried to escape from through your addiction. Seen in this light, any type of behavior can become an addiction, as all types of behavior may serve to distract you from what you are experiencing right now, even reading and meditating.

Consider this: How does it serve you to run away from pain, sadness, guilt, shame, feelings of unworthiness? Does distracting yourself from your problems really provide the cure you are craving? And even more important, has stigmatising your states of beings as "problems" actually helped you in being at peace with what you feel? How would you feel your pain without the judgments you hold about it? If you opened up to everything you feel and experience as nothing but feelings and experiences that do not define you in any way whatsoever, how would it be possible to turn them into problems?

Remember this at each moment you feel bad and reach out for something to escape from or numb this sensation, be it a cigarette, the internet, alcohol, sex, drugs or discos or anything completely different. What you´re looking for is relief, but whatever relief you gain from distractions is short-lived and unsatisfying. What is more, you create additional problems through your addictions.
And at the end of the day, isn´t it exactly that what we are truly addicted to: Our problems, our constant dramas, the chaos and blows in our life?

There is a part of us that does not want to let go of suffering, that by all means wants to stay disempowered, small and unsuccessful. We get benefits from playing small and being a victim, even if these benefits are short-sighted and disastrous to our well-being: We get to be right, at least in our stories and justifications. Sometimes we get to be pitied. And above all, we get to stay in our comfort zone without having to stretch beyond what is known and familiar to us.

However, these benefits come at such a high cost that you could not possibly be willing to pay it once you are truly aware of them. The cost is a life lived disconnected from our true Source of love, power and magnificence. The cost is forcing ourselves to keep our hearts shut down so it may never shine in its full brightness, never forgive ourselves for the mistakes we believe to have committed, never forgive others for what we believe they did to us. The cost is constantly living in the shadow of fear, desperately trying to control what we know is ever elusive and still never surrender to the infinite truth within us.

At each moment you´re on the defense, blame other people and circumstances for your experience, try to escape your pain, look for ways to justify your being miserable and unfulfilled, take a breath.
Become aware of the price you pay for holding on to your identity of suffering. Be fully aware that our addiction to suffering is the greatest of all addictions and the source of them all. Then open up to your pain, let it be there, give it all your love, accept it, appreciate it. Feel your breath. And feel your pain dissolve and dissipate. It is that simple and it is that powerful.