How to Get Over an Unrequited Love and Move On

Aloha!

Sure, it’s challenging and at times feels embarrassing when someone does not return romantic feelings that you experience as vividly real. However, not only has nobody ever died from embarrassment, but we can also learn more about ourselves as we navigate the emotional challenge. Here’s how:

1. Validate your feelings. Don’t judge yourself. Commend yourself for being able to feel caring for someone. To be able to have a vulnerable, open, caring heart is an asset, not a detriment, so don’t kick yourself. Appreciate your loving nature.

2. Assess what about them attracted you – what were the specific qualities that caught your attention? Own those qualities for yourself; often an unrequited love is a mirror to show us a part of ourselves that we believe we lack, but that we do, in fact, possess. In accepting these qualities as our own, we become more whole and empowered. How did that make you feel inside?

3. Embrace how you felt when you were with them. Be honest, now. Were you more frustrated than enthralled? If it was more the former than the latter, then it’s just the habit pattern you got used to, and now you’re ready to move forward in your life with more joy, minus that frustration. If it was a positive feeling within yourself, ponder and embrace that. A feeling within YOURSELF. It’s yours. Own it; you developed it, and no one can take it from you. The power of that feeling within you does not rest within that other person. Thank them, internally and spiritually, for whatever role they played in your growth. Then allow yourself to graduate. Remember that you are the only one who can feel your feelings. They are yours. Again – embrace and own them, independently of that other person.

4. Release the repetitive thoughts of the object of your unreturned affection by changing your mind – literally. Shift your thoughts to something else. What do you enjoy doing? Spend time with friends who care about you, participating in those activities. If you enjoy solo activities, like reading, find a new book to start. Each time you begin to think of him/her, shift your focus. If you are visual, look at a picture, perhaps a nature scene, to ease your mind. Put away any photos that create emotional pain; you don’t need that to move forward now. If affirmations are helpful, create one and use it as a go-to for when your thoughts drift back to that person. For example, “I am fine,” or “I am well,” or, “I am enough,” or, “I deserve a full life and fulfilling relationship.” When you’re too distraught to even remember an affirmation, simply repeat your own name to reclaim your power. Bottom line - fill yourself with positive energy! YOU are the key to your happiness; the source is within.

The more you shift your thoughts to affirming yourself, the stronger you become in moving forward, leaving the dissatisfaction of unrequited love behind. You are then available to form a new, satisfying life for yourself.

Blessings on your journey!
Dr. Renee