Do you ever feel like you are leading a double life? When you are “out there” in public, networking, at work, with clients or just socializing with friends, you are one woman. Then when you are alone, behind closed doors, looking in the mirror or hiding under the covers, you are someone completely different?

I was talking to a close friend just yesterday and she said as soon as the elevator doors opened up to her floor at work, she puts on her “happy face” and leaves all her troubles on the elevator behind her.

For years I did that too, and still do sometimes. It’s one thing to put on a happy face once in a while when you need to “show up” and you have a personal challenge you are dealing with. But when this becomes a way of being, it’s time to take a look at what you’re NOT dealing with and decide if it’s time to make some life altering changes.

It’s important that you are ready to make the changes, because sometimes we’re just not, and that’s OK. They are big changes that require making a radical decision to take on what is involved in order to integrate your two (or more) identities.

For clarification I am not talking about multiple personality disorder. That’s a whole different ball game. I’m talking about when your authentic feelings about your current reality are in direct contrast with how you “act” in public. The inside is not congruent with the outside.

For example, you’re not at the place you had hoped you would be in your business or career, and you often spend sleepless nights stressing about your future. You turn to food to distract yourself from your overwhelming emotions and you feel extremely isolated and hopeless. YET, when you go to a networking event or meet a friend for lunch, you “act” like business is doing well and life couldn’t be better.

Another scenario - you find yourself wondering if you’ve reached your peak in life. You ask yourself questions like, “Is this all there is for me? Is this as good as it gets?” Your relationships are merely acquaintances, and you lack confidence and belief in your Self. YET, you put on your “happy face” and pretend “out there” that your life is something it is not.

One friend has described this as the fear of your house of cards imploding.

Oprah calls it “losing yourself”. I say more specifically, it’s losing your connection to your Self.

When you lose your connection to your Self your true identity is concealed under a layer of self-doubt and uncertainty and you roam around aimlessly, with no focus, purpose or sense of who you are. This is when you are at risk of taking on other people’s expectations of you, making bad personal and professional decisions, overstepping your personal values and settling for whatever life sends your way.

When you sit around just taking what you get, more often than not, you don’t get what you want. You feel out of control, isolated and fearful of your future. So you take on poor lifestyle habits, like emotional eating, bad relationships and negative self-treatment to numb the pain of your mere existence. ICK!

So what’s a gal to do? First, KNOW that you are NOT ALONE!!! This is so common. I read somewhere that 72% of women have faked an orgasm at least once. I am willing to bet that more women than that fake their level of happiness WAY more often than they fake their level of sexual satisfaction!!! No, you are not the only one who is experiencing this!

Your Assignment

Let’s take this one slow. Today I will share the first few steps to moving you forward with this challenge and we’ll dig deeper in the next issue.

Step One: I know this sounds cliché, but the first step to finding your way back to your Self is acceptance. Acknowledge and accept that this is what is going on for you (if in fact it is) and allow your Self to see it for what it is: an opportunity for spiritual evolvement.

Step Two: Once you have accepted where you are, the next step is forgiveness. At a deep core level we all want to be true to ourselves. When we are incongruent in this way it feels like self-deception. Actually, it is self-deception, but it’s not malicious and it’s not intentional. With forgiveness, you free your Self from the grip of guilt that holds you hostage to your negative self-treatment.

Step Three: Journal. For this journaling exercise I encourage you to identify, with as much detail as you can, the different parts of you. Give them names. Perhaps the part of you that is “out there” in public putting on a show is, “Confident, Social You”, and the part of you who stays home hiding under the covers is “Scared, Anxious You”.

Get to know them. Ask questions like:

* “Where do you get the courage to be so confident, when I’m feeling so scared?”

* “What do you need from me to feel more safe and supported?”

Get curious!

Once you’ve got to know these parts of you better, grant your Self forgiveness. Check your awareness as you’re doing this exercise. How does it feel to forgive your Self? What feelings are being activated? When do you feel the shift and what’s present for you when you feel it?

This is you connecting to your Self. Take it slow and allow all the feelings that come up for you. If you’d like to share or you have questions let me know, OK? You can blog below or email me directly.

Author's Bio: 

Want to use this article in your eZine or web site? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:
Aimee Yawnick has been mentoring women to make personal growth and development a priority for over 15 years. First, in the Health and Fitness Industry, now as a Personal Life Coach. With proven tools and systems Aimee helps her clients move swiftly and smoothly from a life of just ging through the motions and merely existing to being an active participant and living life to the fullest!
If you are a highly motivated and results-oriented woman who understands the value of developing your SELF, and you are ready to accelerate your personal growth in order to play a BIGGER GAME in your personal and professional life, contact Aimee today.