If you are currently in a relationship, it's likely that you feel sure you are in love with your partner. But do you sometimes wonder too if it's real love that you feel or just mere attachment. Love can be very complicated, but after reading this post, you will have a better understanding of how different attachment is from real love. Having this knowledge will help you nurture your current relationship, or create one that is based on genuine love.

Love is selfless...attachment is self-centered and selfish

When you love someone, your main goal is to make the other person happy. You will always think of ways to make sure your partner feels how much you love him or her. In a relationship that's built with love, you shouldn't be arguing who is better, who does more, and who is supposed to do what. You shouldn't emotionally blackmail your partner, manipulate them, or even try to dominate the relationship.

When you are just attached to someone, you focus on the things they do that makes you happy. You depend too much on your partner, and you might even try to control them so they won't leave you. Instead of facing your own issues, you rely on your partner to improve your confidence. When you are attached to your partner, you hold them responsible for your happiness, so you get frustrated when they fail your expectations.

Attachment is controlling, but love is liberating

When you and your partner truly love each other, you are both allowed to be true to yourselves. You encourage your partner to be who they are and to not be scared to expose their weaknesses. In your relationship, there is mutual trust, and it paves the way for both your personal growth. People who are in love never tries to control their partner.

On the other hand, attachment is the reason why some people end up being very controlling. When you are attached to your partner, you discourage him or her from spending time with other people except you. You would also do everything so they would stay with you no matter how they feel about it.

In love, there is mutual growth

If your relationship is built in love, both you and your partner will grow and become better people together. You will both make an effort to become the best you could be. Simply put, you stimulate your partner's growth, and they do the same for you.

Couples who are attached with each other always try to solve their problems individually or on their own. The unresolved issues you have with yourself will also cause you to be overly dependent on your partner. As a result, you and your partner will not be able to grow, and you won't be able to love in a positive way.

If you have never been in love, you should stay positive and keep hoping that you will one day find someone who you can build an amazing relationship with. But until then, you might as well focus on improving yourself, and becoming the best version of yourself. If you can, work with a personal coach, who can help you identify ways you could be better, not only in your personal life, but also in your career.

Author's Bio: 

Cecile Peterkin is a certified career and retirement coach, and a registered member of the Career Professionals of Canada and the International Coach Federation. She is also the Founder and Senior Career Strategist at Cosmic Coaching Centre, provider of career and life management services for middle managers and mid-career professionals across Canada, United States and Europe.