Does it really matter why?

As a recovering obese person I’m starting to question all this examining, digging, and analyzing of WHY people are obese. That there’s some deep dark secret we’re hiding that causes our obesity. Jillian Michaels of The Biggest Loser, and now her own show, Losing it with Jillian, is a big proponent of digging into people’s sordid pasts and trying to find that deep dark secret. I love Jillian, The Biggest Loser, and Losing it with Jillian. She cares and I understand what she’s trying to do. But how is understanding why, if there is a why, going to help us at that critical moment when we’re faced with that piece of apple pie a-la-mode? When it comes right down to it, we’re still going to have to make the choice. Do I eat this or not? And if I do, is it because my dad ignored me all those years ago? Or was it my mom and dad’s divorce when I was 6 years old that’s going to cause me to eat this pie and ice cream right now? What we do right now, at that critical moment of temptation, has nothing to do with what happened a hour ago, yesterday, or 20 years ago. I just don’t agree with that.
Don’t get me wrong. I feel for people who’ve had horrible pasts. Do our problems weigh on us? Sure they do. We all carry tremendous burdens and hurts from the past and possibly even yesterday. People can dredge up all kinds of painful events from our past. And it might even help diagnose something. But how long are we going to use those past events as excuses for overeating or being obese? This has made me wonder how Jillian would handle me. Okay, I’ll bite for just a moment here and make public three of my own past and current troubles. Could these three things be the reasons why I’m a recovering obese person? Let’s see…here I go,
#1…When I was 10 years old and in the fourth grade, it was mandatory for all fourth graders to take swimming lessons at the local High School. We had 30 kids in our class. Mrs. Gilligan was the teacher. For twelve weeks we boarded a bus every Wednesday and went to the pool to learn how to swim. At the end of the program, I was the only one in the class who didn’t learn how to swim. I was afraid of going in water over my head. Well, believe me, I was the butt of some unbelievable hazing from my classmates. Even Mrs. Gilligan let the whole class know how disappointed she was in me. That’s pretty traumatic for a ten year old, don’t you think? But I don’t think about that anymore. Well, until just now.
#2…My brother was an alcoholic and passed away about a year and a half ago. To this day I harbor tremendous guilt about not doing enough to stop this tragedy… maybe not being tough enough. I enabled him, to keep the peace in the house. I thought him seeing me change would give him the will to change. It didn’t. Why didn’t I do more? This is very stressful but it’s just another thing I have to live with, and I think about it a lot.
#3…Currently I'm the caregiver for my elderly ill parents. It's my role now and I fully accept it. This was the single most important reason for me retiring this past March. I put in my thirty plus years and the timing was right. I need to be home as much as possible now. But at times it feels like I'm trapped. I still do things but traveling is out of the question now. I can't go on a golf vacation like I used to, let alone be away overnight anymore. I love my mom and dad more than anything in this world...it's not their fault. Sometimes it seems unfair though. See, I'm looked at as being the "Rock" of my family. I'm the oldest and I'm expected to do everything, say all the right things, and be responsible for anything and everything. I'm never allowed say no and I can’t defend myself when people think I make a wrong or unpopular decision. Even though I’ve willingly accepted this as my responsibility and wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s still very stressful at times.
Now that’s a lot of baggage, but no more and probably a lot less than some other folks have. But okay, I said it. You made me say it Jillian! You wanted to drag some baggage out of me so you can say… “Now we know why you’re fat Steve. Now we can fix you.” Sorry, I disagree. I think I’ve got this one figured out though. And no analyzing needs to be done.
See, what it all boils down to is this... no matter how many horrible and traumatic events I haul out of my past or current life, I can't use any of those things as an excuse to over eat right now. As tough as those things are some days, as much of a weight as they can be on my shoulders...I cannot use them to say something like this... "It's just too much for me today and I can't handle it! Everybody laughed at me when I was 10 years old and afraid of the water. I just didn’t do enough to help my brother. I'm all alone here with no help… so I'm going to sit down, relax, and reward myself with a big bowl of ice cream because I deserve it!"
When I’m sitting there staring at that bowl of ice cream or that piece of apple pie with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on it, am I thinking about those three things? No, I’m thinking how good that stuff looks and whether I should dive into it or not. Will thinking about my baggage make me start eating it or give me the strength to throw it away? No, because I’m not thinking about my baggage at that moment. I’m just thinking about what’s sitting there in front of me. Now, if I CHOOSE to, I can use all of those things as excuses. But all I’ve really done is cooked up in my own mind a reason to justify my binge eating. See how easy it is to do? So why do I want to think about why? It’s tough enough to say no to that garbage in the first place.
In my humble opinion, we all do what we really want to do. Past or current experiences can’t make us do anything. Cruel and uncaring people from a day ago or 30 years ago can’t make us do anything. We make our own choices right now and we do exactly what we want to do right now. It doesn’t matter why we choose to do it…we just choose to do it. How decisive are we? Are we committed or are we just involved.
“Want to be decisive? Start by deciding to live. Getting dead is mandatory, living is a conscious choice.” Now, both of those things are decisive, but only one is mandatory. Do we decide to give up...or do we decide to fight?
I found that particular quote while I was looking for one I could use to explain the commitment needed to achieve our weight loss and maintenance goals. This is a pretty cool one too about a chicken and a pig and breakfast. Here it is...
“The chicken was involved in creating your breakfast; the pig was committed.”
That raises a couple of questions...Are we committed to our goals? Or just involved with them? And what excuses are we using to stop us? I heard a new one today… “My food addiction is an inherited family behavior.” Are you kidding me? When is this madness going to stop?
Face it, we're all here because we want to lose weight and keep it off. Knowing what we want and how we think we can achieve it is having a strategic vision. That’s helpful, even necessary, but not enough for success. We can have a vision without commitment; that’s called a dream. Not even involvement is enough to make dreams come true… we have to be committed. We have to be willing to do whatever it takes. We have to be willing to commit our soul to this task.
The problem with this sometimes is not everyone will understand or appreciate our focus. There will be those who "try" to give us an out. Or those who'll even be jealous of our commitment to success. Some may even fear we're leaving them behind so they'll lay a guilt trip on us. These are things we can use as excuses too.
This is upsetting for many of us because we really do want to succeed. If you're like me, you'll even want to take those family members and friends by the hand and say to them... "Come with me, we'll all be successful together." They may not be ready yet, but that shouldn't stop us. We can't let that stop us!
Whatever it is you like to use as an excuse, break free from that. I battle using my guilt and anger as excuses. And when I do, I have to make a conscious choice...am I really committed or am I just involved? Am I willing to be the pig and commit all? Will I risk being called a name or two, or allow a guilt trip to be laid on me in order to get what I really want? Or will I just be an involved excuse making chicken?