Avoid the Most Common Marital Mistakes

Even healthy couples can certainly make some of the most common marital mistakes. However, the good news is, they are avoidable. Also, for couples who have already fallen prey to some of these most common mistakes, they can certainly take action to remedy them.

Disregarding Your Spouse’s Opinion

Disregarding your spouse’s opinion is dangerous territory. It sends the message, “My opinion is more valid than yours.” It’s okay to disagree but it’s important to show that you can validate and attempt to understand your spouse’s point of view.

Unfortunately, sometimes one spouse regularly discounts the other’s opinion. For example, a wife may assume she knows more about parenting and proper discipline than her husband. As a result, she may argue with him about his childrearing techniques because she assumes he’s less educated about “the right way to do it.”

Although there will be some areas where one of you has more expertise than the other, it doesn’t mean you can’t still value one another’s opinions. Don’t treat your spouse like a child if you happen to know more about a certain subject. Learn to listen and develop an understanding of your spouse’s point of view so you can make healthy decisions as a team.

Treating Others Better than Your Spouse

Most people are polite to co-workers, friends and extended family. Yet for some reason, it can seem acceptable to treat your spouse worse. However, the opposite should be true. A spouse should get your best moods, the bulk of your energy and your hard work.

When you’re excited about something, the first phone call you should make should be to your spouse. Don’t call a friend or your mother first to share the good news. Instead, make sure your spouse is the first one in line to hear about your promotion, a raise or just to hear about that funny thing that happened to you earlier in the day.

When you’re in a bad mood, don’t take it out on your spouse. Instead, work hard, just like you most likely would with a friend or co-worker, to show respect and kindness. Practice patience and use kind words, even when you don’t feel like it.

Dishonesty

Dishonesty can be a slippery slope. Sometimes people start out lying about what they consider to be small things. For example, saying, “I only spent $100 today at the store,” when you really spent $150 might seem like a small thing, but it is dishonest.

Sometimes people avoid telling the truth out of an effort to spare their partner’s feelings. For example, a husband might deny talking to his ex-girlfriend because he thinks it might just upset his wife. He justifies his dishonesty by saying it is really best for the sake of their marriage if she doesn’t know the truth.

Sometimes dishonesty is meant to avoid consequences. A wife might avoid telling her husband that she forgot to pay the phone bill on time and as a result, they have a late charge, because she knows her husband will be mad. She doesn’t want to face his anger, so she tries to cover up the mistake by keeping their account information secret.

Over time, telling lies gets easier. If a person tends to lie about small things, it can become much easier to lie about the big things. It’s important to be honest with your spouse at all times in order to build trust, work through issues and maintain a healthy marriage.

Holding Onto Unrealistic Expectations

Romance novels, TV shows, and movies tend to glamorize love and romance. It can lead to people holding onto unrealistic expectations about how marriage should be. This unrealistic expectation can lead to disappointment and always thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

Sometimes people look at other couples and think, “I wish we had that.” It’s important to remember that what you see on the outside isn’t likely an accurate representation of what goes on behind closed doors. No marriage is always about romance and marital bliss.

It isn’t realistic to expect that you’ll always feel excitement when your spouse walks in the room or that your spouse will be able to meet all of your needs all the time. Instead, marriage is about working together as a team which means you won’t always get what you want. And over time, those “in love” feelings shift to a more mature sort of love. It’s natural.

Accepting that it’s natural that you will fight sometimes and that you’ll have to put a lot of effort into your relationship is important. It’s also essential to develop realistic expectations of your spouse and your marriage as you navigate changes. Talk about what you expect from one another when you have children, change jobs or experience any changes in your marriage to ensure that you both have a clear understanding of what life will realistically be like.

Allowing Resentment to Build

Allowing resentment to build is not healthy for a marriage. It involves a feeling of bitterness that often stems from a feeling of betrayal in an intimate relationship. Resentment tends to get worse with time if it is not adequately dealt with.

It’s your responsibility to make changes if you notice you are growing resentful. It’s not your spouse’s fault that you feel that way. Instead, take it as a sign that you need to do something different.

For example, a wife might grow resentful that her husband doesn’t do enough chores around the house. She has several choices in how she responds to this. If she continues to do all the chores while growing bitter, it won’t be healthy for their marriage. Instead, she can talk to her husband about her feelings, do fewer chores, or accept that a clean house just isn’t as important to him. No matter what she decides to do, it’s important that she take action instead of simply continuing to do the same thing while building resentment.

If you’ve already started to build some resentment, it’s important to take action now. It won’t go away on its own. Instead, there’s work to be done that sometimes takes professional counseling to ensure that you can let go of bitterness and improve your marital satisfaction.