A Shaman's Christmas Story

A Shaman's Christmas Story
December 25, 2010

I was reluctant to write my Christmas story for fear of judgment. I have always projected an air of being multi cultural with no ties to any particular belief system other then what I am guided to by Spirit. My experience so confused and overwhelmed me that I reached out to only a very few friends for input. When voicing my concerns about revealing my story it was brought to my attention that those who matter won’t judge and those who judge won’t matter. I shall share my story with you and let you decide its true meaning.
My Christmas story started with a chance meeting when I dropped off some invitations to my Christmas party and open house for my new healing studio, Zhii. That action triggered a series of events, which led to an extraordinary experience. One of my invitations made it into the hands of someone interested in experiencing my form of hypnotherapy. We made an appointment to meet and learn more about each other. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that my new friend’s name when translated into English was Jesus. He told me the beautiful story of how his naming came to be, but he was confused as to why and the deeper meaning behind it. He had a very strong interest in the Jesus story even though it wasn’t part of his culture, so he wondered about his involvement with it. We left the question up in the air, not knowing at this time what the purpose was for his special naming or even the real point of our meeting.
The following week was the winter solstice and eclipse of the moon for which a few of us decided to spend together and celebrate its importance. During our gathering it was suggested that I needed to have a treatment on the table. One member of the small group got a message that I needed a rebirthing of me, the baby Gayle. There were three healers working on me, one at me feet, and one holding their hand over my third eye. The third healer then instructed me that I couldn't close my eyes. I wasn't being allowed to leave my body, to travel and escape my physical form. Leaving my body has always been my safety net for escaping life’s pain and trauma. During the rebirthing I was required to heal the physical Gayle’s the broken heart. We went back to my birth stopping and looking at each of my first 7 days of life. I could see the vision of those first moments after my birth; it was hectic as the doctor and nurses scrambled to give me a blood transfusion. I wasn't supposed to have lived, my 2 older brothers had died at birth and I was dying as well. When asked on the third day “Who loves this newborn child?” My first thought was as I looked on to this child with no hope, " no one", realizing that since I wasn't going to live, nobody was going to invest their love in me. I could feel the physical pain soar through out my body, the pain caused by the absence of love. Instead I replied as I became aware, "The angels love me, there are angels surrounding me in the delivery room". I stood outside of my newborn self laying in an incubator and looked at the 5 lb. bird like baby covered with intravenous needles, tubes and tape, struggling to stay alive. I, my soul stood there looking on, I didn't want to come into this life; I had changed my mind. I knew that it was going to be a traumatic existence and wasn't sure I would be able to manage the pain that I had mapped out for myself. The 3 angels standing at my side at the time, were supportive, full of love and encouragement, so on the 7th day I was asked again what is I want to do, this was the last day for my decision. I decided to live, I decided that I do have the strength to follow the path I had set for myself and there are many needing me to live. I cried for that new born trying to come into a life that was destined to be extremely difficult. As I cried the three healers cried with me, they cried for that new born wanting to live, there was no one else there to cry for me. It was pointed out that the 3 angels with me that first week of life were with me again at that very moment, they were the three healers helping me to heal my broken heart. Thank you angels, I believe again. I had rejected angels for most of my life, not wishing to connect myself to any structured beliefs. Now I wish to accept them back into my heart for my heart is now open. I was about to be reborn into a new life.
The next day I traveled with a friend to receive a session with the Quantum Pulse machine that raises your vibrations to a higher level. To what level it will raise your vibration will obviously depend on what level you are already starting with. My purpose for wanting to raise my vibration were metaphysical, I needed answers to my real purpose in this existence. By raising my vibrations to a higher level I would be able to connect to the other dimensions and receive the guidance I needed. I set the intention in my mind just before the machine was turned on, I asked, “Please allow my soul to have greater control and clarity over my ego”. I was growing weary of constantly fighting for control over ego, which was constantly feeding me negative feelings of uncertainty and making me feel unworthy. During the vibration session, I had several wonderful experiences and places to which I journeyed; traveling to many other dimensions. I was even able to see into my future and the future of some of my loved ones, these brought a big smile to my face. Our lives were going to be successful, loving, with much unity. I didn’t know exactly how I would know if and when soul had more control over ego, only time would tell. I later returned to my studio for a business appointment and then a scheduled treatment. My client was the one infatuated with his possible connection with Jesus and wanted more insight.
We talked for the first hour and then I had the client lay upon my treatment table to uncover any present day issues that may need to come to the surface. He was constantly distracted by his connection with Jesus and wanted to concentrate on that aspect of his possible past life involvement. Finally during the end of the session as I held and rubbed my clients feet I had a powerful being of light manifest himself to me. As he was about to appear, it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling I received from the being. I felt the same powerful presentence I always feel while in spirit and doing treatments or asking for guidance. The powerful being who appeared to me and placed his hand on my right shoulder was Jesus. In the moment I wasn’t even surprised to see him as I conveyed the experience to my client lying on my table. He asked if this was the first time I had ever actually seen Jesus and I told him that it was. My client wondered about that, why hadn’t I ever seen him before if he is the one doing his healing through me. My first reaction and thought was that Jesus appeared for the sake of the client who so desperately wanted to know more about him and their connection. I shared my thoughts with the client saying that Jesus appeared for his sake, to let him know that all that he is feeling and wondering about had a ring of truth. That there is definitely a connection between them and it was a confirmation. I explained that I have never needed to see Jesus to know that there was a powerful being guiding and helping me to perform these treatments and lessons. I always knew that there was a powerful healing force connected to me, I had faith that it would be there whenever I needed it to be. I returned home, and I sat relaxing for a few minutes reviewing the night’s events. I pondered about how special it was for Jesus to appear to me for my client’s sake, my client who wanted to connect with him so desperately. I suddenly could feel the strong energy of this same presence starting to appear to me again, he came from behind over my right shoulder. I got the impression of his human like form but this time the human shape appeared as pure white light, it glowed as if a star from the heavens with light radiating outward. He came closer and put his hand on my right shoulder once again, this time my entire body filled with a burst of the purest white light and energy. It was filled with a love and a calmness I have never felt before. I got the impression that he was laying his hand upon my shoulder to heal my physical and emotional pain as well as some sort of conformation. Later as I reviewed the past few hours of my new life, I wept and wept for the pure joy of the experience. I could not believe that I had been so honoured to have such a powerful presence come to touch my life and me. Some friends say that he was confirming to me in my own mind that he didn’t just come for the sake of my client who wanted his presence so desperately. Jesus also presented himself to me on my own to let me know he also came for my sake. I felt as though I have received his blessing and confirmation that I am on my true path. I have been so preoccupied that I am following the wrong path again, that I desired some sort of sign to reassure me. I received more then I could have ever asked for; I received and connected to one of the most respected healers in history. The experience has left me over whelmed and a bit confused as to consequences of what had just occurred. This is my Christmas story; the story of an uncertain Shaman, a Shaman wanting to understand and it has forever changed how I will live my life.

Gayle Crosmaz-Brown: Thundrehorse Woman, Shamaness