Loving Authentically

Whether you are husband and wife, spiritual partners, lovers, soul mates, it doesn’t matter what you call the union, what matters is - do you cherish and adore this person? Is this person what YOU want? Do you have chemistry? Do you feel uplifted when you see them? Do you feel like YOURSELF around them?

If you answered no to any of these questions, I’d invite you to take an inventory of what it is you are receiving from this relationship.

Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t turn your crank in all the ways you want. People change. Nothing stays the same. Relationships flourish and thrive when filled with emotional intimacy, commitment to personal growth, chemistry, and love. If it doesn’t have this, it fizzles out and ultimately dies. This is tough work. Tough, in that baring your soul to someone doesn’t always feel so good. Sometimes it feels a lot better to hide behind the comfortable masks we’ve created over the years. But as my experience has shown me, if you can’t take each and every mask off and feel completely naked and free with your mate, then you’re not really being you, which means you’re not really living in Truth.

Personal growth is about becoming authentic. It’s a calling of the heart, which cannot be ignored. I was terrified when I felt this calling. My deepest desire was to become “the real me” yet I was so afraid of what this would mean to my relationship with my husband. I think I knew deep down, I mean way deep down, that if I followed my heart and uncovered all that I was, that my marriage would no longer work. This was unfathomable to me at the time. It gave me the sickest feeling in the pit of my stomach. However, I chose to surrender my relationship to God on a daily basis, and while I did I kept on peeling off the layers. (this process took many years) In the end, I was in a lot of pain from the struggle of knowing in my heart that my marriage was over, that the “real” me wanted something more.

Loving your significant other requires loving yourself first. It’s better if we understand this before we enter a serious relationship. It saves a lot of pain and heartache. Yet I know the 10 years we spent together were not lost. I will cherish them in my heart until the day I die. Because of my marriage, because I was blessed to be with this gentle, loving soul, because of the beautiful child we created together, I can now sit here in full authenticity and know that no greater gift could ever have been given to me. The gift of my true-self.

I take the blessings from this marriage and honor all that it was. It was a journey. It was a divine teaching. It was love.