How to Love Without Regret

People fall in and out of love every day. For those who are in the midst of it, it does not feel like an every day experience. It feels as if the earth is out of orbit, or the sky is no longer blue. Relationships too often end in bitterness and accusations. We are capable of loving without regret, yet we allow ourselves to wallow in regret and if-only. Here are some tips on how to love without regret.

Step 1

I want to define love before we begin these steps.
Love is action. The actions of love are kindness, compromise, respect,
friendship, conversing, honesty, integrity, truthfulness and honoring the other person's individuality. No part of love dishonors the other persons individuality.

Step 2

As with any loss, there is grief. Allow yourself to experience the grief of loss. Try not to question yourself or the other person. Try not to look for blame. Remind yourself it take two people to make a relationship, and if one is unwilling to work at it, there is nothing anyone else can do.
Just as often, both parties share the blame.

Step 3

Take out your paper and pen and list all the qualities you loved in the other person. While you are at it, list all the qualities you have which are worthy of love. Be honest, concise and do not get lost in recriminations. You should be able to come up with at least ten items for each list. The more you come up with the better this will work.

Step 4

When you are done, review your list. Both of you have at least 10 good qualities if not more. You are both basically good people. Realize the because the relationship between you did not work out, does not mean either of you is a bad person. It means one of you, or both of you, has chosen to make a change. There may not be one reason, it may be a collection of things neither of you can clearly identify.

Step 5

Look at the good times you shared. Remember the reasons you fell in love. Look at your list and remind yourself the other one is still a good person. Let go and move on. Occasionally ex lovers can be friends, but it is rare. It is better emotionally to break the tie. If you go through this process of identifying the good qualities, realizing there were good reasons to love the other one, but also realize everyone has free will and can choose to move apart. Accept that people change with time. Look at this relationship as a training ground for the next. After a while you can examine your relationship honestly and see the places where you faltered. Find ways to change, not for him or her, but for the next person you love. Never allow yourself to regret having loved. You gave of yourself and should not be bitter or ashamed.

Tips & Warnings

Like yourself

Realize the things your liked about your ex partner

Understand love is a well without a bottom...you can love many people at the same time, from parents to children, siblings to lovers. You are created to love and should have no guilt about having given love to anyone.

This article is not intended to cover the abhorrent behaviors of abuse in all its various forms, nor any other criminal behaviors in a relationship.

The giver of love is always richer for having given.

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