Hmmm, I know, you're thinking, "how can anyone be married to a single man?". Yep, crazy. I would never have believed it possible either, then one day I realized that that is how I was able to best describe my marriage!
Really! When I said "I do" I thought that meant that we (my husband and I) both automatically knew what being a married couple was supposed to look like. After all, we were both 31 when we finally decided to take the leap - so we obviously knew what to expect - right? NOT! Unfortunately, two children and twelve years later, I was able to admit that I had a definitely different view on what being married was all about.
What does being married to a single man look like? In my case it consisted of both of us working full time jobs outside the home, taking care of a home, building two new homes, having two children, entertaining guests, backyard bar-b-ques, nice family vacations, etc. Yep, that sounds like a typical marriage, right? Absolutely. Except, I didn't count on him losing his job and instead of taking care of the house and the children, I would find him sitting at a bar drinking, while I was working and the kids were in daycare. I didn't know that marriage allowed for him to go out 2-4 nights a week and sometimes not getting home before I had to leave for work the next day. I didn't know that when conflict arose between a friend of his and myself that it was me that was in the wrong. I didn't know that on a Wednesday after work when he asked "what would you like to do tonight?" and me saying "raise my family", meant that was his invitation to go out with the guys. I didn't know that it would be OK for him to get a baby sitter for our children so that he could go out with friends, while I flew to Florida to bring my Mother home who had just had by-pass surgery. I didn't know that when I had a huge accomplishment that was being celebrated at work that rather than him going and celebrating with me, that it was OK for him to go to happy hour with the guys after his work instead and arrive home at the last minute smelling of alcohol. I didn't know that when on vacation with family that it would be acceptable for him to go sit in a bar and watch football while I entertained the kids and family with vacation activities. I didn't know that I would be sitting on the edge of my seat every single time we got in the car to go somewhere, because he refused to drive like a human being and wouldn't let me drive - wait, this last one may be part of my "living with a narcissist"!
So, now you know what my version of being married to a single man looks like!
Next time, if there is a next time, I think I'll marry a married man! Wait - that doesn't sound right either! LOL.
I am 51 years old and I have survived divorced!
I grew up in a large family. I am the youngest of 7 (for my Mom) the second to the youngest of 8 (for my Dad). My parents divorced when I was in kindergarten. I grew up in government housing not knowing each day if we would be having dinner or not. My Mom worked full time, but made just enough to get by. So, I was determined that I would be financially able to stand on my own two feet before I even considered getting into a serious relationship.
I was 31 when I finally took the leap into marriage. Twelve years later, I found myself with two wonderful boys and going through a divorce. Divorce is something I don't wish on anyone, however, I do feel, that for me, it was much better than remaining in a loveless marriage. Admitting that I married for the wrong reasons and then having the courage to correct it, was a huge turning point in my life.
I have now been divorced for 7 years (February 2015). Each year getting easier and easier as I strived to rebuild my life and get me and my life back on track. Three more years and I will have complete freedom as both of my boys will be 18.
Best of all, I love who I am, where I am and especially where I am headed!