When couples struggle it is very common to find that the partners have not yet found a way to honor and support each other in genuine, compassionate and generous ways. Partners share that they have tried it all and are tired of not getting anything back, getting their needs met, nor being able to create an awesome relationship. They participate in their relationship with an ego (fear-based, selfish, and self-centered) approach. These partners have difficulties letting go and trusting their partner.
This is when partners are controlling, over-functioning, overwhelmed, frazzled, accident prone, chaotic, exhausted, and rundown. They have poor boundaries, take on too much, can’t say no, can’t seem to implement and stick with self-care routines, have no clue as to how to delegate, are stingy about investing in support, and get in their own way of success and embracing their magnificence. It gets as bad as impacting their finances, household ambiance, and personal appearance. They are possibly even facing health issues and might be dealing with infertility. This is not a fun way to be in relationship and live our life!
So, if our relationship and our life are so miserable, why do we keep doing more of the same? I’m sure you know that by doing more of the same we get more of the same results. I find that partners want to create a different relationship without stretching, growing, healing and changing. They prefer to focus on what is wrong with their partner, working on changing their partner or waiting for their partner to change. They dig their heals in, in the name of this is who I am take it or leave. For things to be different, YOU have to change!
We of course do not want to change the core you, your Authentic Self, who you ARE. What we do want to change is your not owning your Authentic Self, your not honoring your Self! And, your funky approach to your life and your relationship that at the end of the day is not serving either of you. We want to change how you are with your Self and with your Partner.
Do you find that you abandon your Self? That you are not there for yourself and don’t appropriately take care of yourself? Be careful how you answer these questions. A lot of times we think we are taking care of ourselves but instead we are either doing more of the same which hasn’t been working, shoot ourselves in the foot, or are being reactive and not honoring. How can we trust others to be there for us, when we are not even there for ourselves? We can take this a step further. How can others love us, if we don’t love ourselves?
Mind your ego. I’m sure it is telling you that your partner can’t support you, that you’ve tried that with horrible results. And, the like Stop that line of thinking right now. Don’t host a dinner party for your ego. I’m sure your partner supports you in ways that you don’t even recognize. I’m sure your partner is willing to support you better. This is the moment of truth. Do you want to have an awesome relationship? If so, give your partner a chance!
Happy Supporting!
http://www.metrorelationship.com/SuccessfulCouples/2014/06/get-partner-s...
Emma K. Viglucci is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, is the creator of the MetroRelationship" philosophy and a variety of Successful Couples" programs and products that assist couples succeed at their relationship and life. To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive her weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit: www.metrorelationship.com.