Divorce is a painful and devastating event for many couples. It can be a crucial turning point in the lives of all members of the family including the couple as well as the children of the relationship. A divorce will affect many aspects of daily life because of the extreme emotional as well as physical impact of the changes that it will assuredly cause. There are some effective ways to keep a clear head and react without vengeance or emotion during a divorce—here are a few of the most useful ones to employ during this often difficult process.
Do Not Point Fingers
This is a very good rule of thumb to follow when going through a divorce. It is instinctive, while in “self-preservation mode”, to want to pass the blame to a partner. This is because couples in divorce proceedings often want to cite their spouse as the root of their marriage problems. It is a lot easier to believe that you are not at fault and that your spouse is or was the problem because you can save face. It may be easier to point fingers, but it is not the right thing to do if you want peace during this event. When a marriage dissolves, you need to accept your mistakes and resist the urge to put the blame on the other party. A Virginia Beach divorce attorney from Hofheimer Family Law says divorcing parties who are able to maintain an attitude of mutual respect and tolerance throughout the proceedings are often more likely to feel at peace with the end result than those who do not. It is much easier to keep this respect between yourself and your spouse if you do not drag each other through the mud.
Live for Today
Many couples overwhelm themselves with the unknowns of the future. To keep sanity and calmness in the midst of a divorce, it is important to focus on the present. If you spend all your time worrying about things out of your control, you will certainly lose your head. This will make the small stuff seem insurmountable, which will cause large problems to push you over the edge.
Accept Things You Cannot Change
If the divorce is underway and the two parties cannot reconcile, it is time to accept it. You are wasting time and energy trying to analyze why you are here or what you could have done to change things. Instead, allow acceptance to guide your life, and the lives of your children. This will make clear thinking come easier. Also, while following this advice, you are teaching your children that there is life after divorce. If you can accept it, they will try to accept it as well.
Work on Yourself
Many couples spend so much time stressing, they are not improving any aspects of their lives. If you set a goal to better yourself each day, the worries and pains will seem less significant. This is because you are putting yourself in charge of your own destiny, which is both empowering and focusing.
Many couples deal with divorce each year, and more importantly, they survive. This is good news for those of us who may enter—or are already involved in—the divorce process. By following a few guidelines, you can eliminate some of the worry and replace it with clear thinking and calmness.
Hannah Whittenly is a freelance writer and mother of two from Sacramento, CA. She graduated from the University of California-Sacramento with a degree in Journalism. She interviews with small businesses and educational institutions regularly to learn new career building strategies.