I was truly blessed: when my first husband and I married I acquired a second set of parents. I could not have loved "Bob" and "Mary" more and their fondness for me was generously reciprocated. For the eighteen years I was with their son, we were family. However, my husband's decision to end our marriage radically changed that. The love they felt for me vanished instantaneously. The praise once given so freely was replaced with venomous declarations of contempt and fabricated lies construed to discredit me as a person and mother. A betrayal of this magnitude was intensely heartbreaking. But in order to move on one must accept that which they cannot change. Still, the pain lingered.
Twenty years passed when I received a tragic phone call that Bob had died suddenly. I felt compelled to pay my last respects but was instructed not to attend his wake. An unexpected flood of emotions rocked my soul as tears freely cascaded down my cheeks. The disdain he felt for me, the hurt I held onto over his betrayal, the sadness that our lives took separate paths left me unprepared for the upheaval of emotions I was called upon to address. After all, our relationship had died decades ago. Still, I mourned deeply for the man who once embraced me as his own.
For two weeks I was unable to free myself from the deep and real sadness that shadowed my heart when quite unexpectedly, a most enigmatic incident occurred: Bob appeared to me in a visitation. He looked radiant - a brilliant white light framed his silhouette. His sparkling eyes, affixed on mine, complimented the luminous smile that caressed his face. He moved effortlessly towards me, arms outstretched. As we entered each others space he wrapped his arms around me in a loving embrace. And as our hearts converged, I knew emphatically that our love remained forever intact. All anger, bitterness, pain, sadness, and judgment vanished instantly and what lingered was a pure and perfect love germane only in the spiritual dimension.
I have had other visitation since then, most noticeably from my dad who journeyed home in 2009. What I know for certain is this: the painful emotions that cause havoc in our physical lives are relevant only to the human experience. All that exists after our return to Father is pure love. Everything else dissolves into nothingness.
How can spirit assist us in healing our anger? Here are some suggestions:
1. If you can't take it with you when you leave the physical world, don't hold on to it now. Hopefully, I'll be moving in a few years to a new location. I look at all of the "stuff" I've accumulated over the years. In helping me decide what to take with me and what to get rid of, I ask myself, "Am I willing to pack it up, pay a mover, and unpack this item in my new house?" If the answer is "no" then it has no significant value and I need to unload it now. Emotions serve as valuable messengers: extract the meaning and apply the lesson. The rest is unnecessary baggage.
2. People, all people including you and I, act out what they're struggling with. An angry person is actually hurting, worried (afraid), or stressed (frustrated). Few understand this about anger and inadvertently take it out on others. Help them identify the root cause and work on healing it. Remain emotionally neutral when interacting with them, expressing only compassion and patience.
3. If you look at the history of an abuser there is a very high probability that they have been abused in their past. Abuse is a vicious cycle based in issues of control (all fear induced). Remove all judgments and labels. Forgive them for the pain they have imposed on you. This will allow you to experience the peace that is Spirit.
4. Spirit genuinely cares about those of us still in the physical world and is eager to assist us in our daily challenges. Call upon them and heed their guidance. Let them be the example of fully embracing the life we were created to live, free of pain and suffering.
Remember, healing can occur at any life stage, even when one crosses over. So why wait? Why not avail yourself of a peace-filled life at this very moment? The choice is yours. So-called bad things enter every individual's life. You can personalize and take offense to every infraction or welcome them as necessary stepping stones in your spiritual evolution.
Waste not a single precious moment of this life consumed with potentially harmful emotions. Find that healing in your heart now. Have faith; be at peace; "Let not your heart be troubled."
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Janet Pfeiffer, international inspirational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and many others. She’s been a guest on over 100 top radio shows (including Fox News Radio), is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.Anger911.net.
Janet's spoken at the United Nations, Notre Dame University, was a keynote speaker for the YWCA National Week Without Violence Campaign, and is a past board member for the World Addiction Foundation.
She's a former columnist for the Daily Record and contributing writer to Woman’s World Magazine, Living Solo, Prime Woman Magazine, and N.J. Family. Her name has appeared in print more than 100 million times, including The Wall Street Journal, Huffington Post, Alaska Business Monthly and more than 50 other publications.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service, and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is N.J. State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women's shelter, and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in healing anger and conflict and creating inner peace and writes a weekly blog and bi-monthly newsletter.
Janet has authored 8 books, including the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger (endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel).
Read what Marci Shimoff, New York Times bestselling author, says of Janet's latest book, The Great Truth; Shattering Life's Most Insidious Lies That Sabotage Your Happiness Along With the Revelation of Life's Sole Purpose:
"Janet dispels the lies and misconceptions many people have lived by and outlines a practical path to an extraordinary life beyond suffering. Written with honesty, clarity, sincerity, and humor, this book serves as a wonderful guide for anyone seeking a more enriching and fulfilling life.”
Dr. Bernie Siegel says, "All books of wisdom are meant to be read more than once. The Great Truth is one such book."