For Men Only: How to Add Zest to Your Marriage, Even if You Don't "Do Spicy"

The average guy probably thinks that the ideal marriage consists of little else besides daily sex. But you’re not average.

Why not be open to considering what’s important, even meaningful to your wife and then give it to her? You’d be amazed at how your relationship can be ignited when you express your care and concern to her. I’ve included several tips that are guaranteed to spice things up, or at least get her attention.

Start simple. Go get her flowers and have them waiting for her when she comes home from work at night. But don’t stop there. If you do, you’re copping out and you won’t convey that you truly care to the greatest of your ability. Forget about the tiny card that most florists give out to accompany their arrangements.

Buy a card at Hallmark or wherever, and make sure it includes a special message that will touch her heart. It doesn’t have to be cheesy or something that’s not you—just make sure it is meaningful. Now, for the final touch. Write a short note, where you tell your wife exactly what, specifically, you appreciate about her.

Here’s another one you might try. It’s one of my favorites, although it may be a bit sappy for some guys. Go to a crafts store and buy a small white puzzle that you can write on, along with a small metal tin. Take some time to craft a poem to your wife, and tell her why you love her.

Make it short, simple and sweet, because it’s got to fit on the puzzle. Once you’ve got the poem to your liking, write it on the blank puzzle, then break up the puzzle and put it in the metal tin. Present it to your wife at the most opportune moment, saying, I wanted to give you something special, “just because.”

This one may stretch most guys beyond their comfort zone. Try actually listening to your spouse; consistently, everyday. What I mean by that is simple but probably very challenging for most men.

Instead of grunting in response to your wife’s words behind the safety of the Wall Street Journal or whatever paper you read on a daily basis, make it a habit to give her your full, undivided attention. In other words, put the paper down and try looking in her eyes when she’s speaking.

And, if you’re up to it, you may want to ask clarifying questions, such as, “what I hear you saying is ___. Is that right?” Or, “could you explain what you mean by that?” Though this may radically go against your instinct, when you make a commitment to do this regularly, you’ll very likely find your relationship going to another level.

By focusing on what’s important to your wife – expressing that you cherish her by getting her flowers, writing a poem to her, and listening to her when she talks – you’ll do wonders for your relationship. She may see you as a genuinely changed man, and start responding to you altogether differently.