Dear Friend, the first step toward creating a close relationship is to recognize and honor the part of us that doesn’t want it, and find out why it feels that way.
One side is looking for merging and closeness, while the other side is looking for individuality, independence, freedom of movement and self-expression. (An excerpt from my NEW eBook – 7 Steps To Becoming An Empowered Single Woman - NOW available on Amazon.com and in our online shop http://www.moneyandabundance.com – The Perfect Valentine’s Gift)
One side fears being tied down, restricted or swallowed up, while the other side fears separation and abandonment.
In an intimate relationship, we need both closeness and space. We need to merge with another, and we need to keep coming back to our individual sense of self. Being sensitive to our own needs and being able to take space when we need it is difficult.
We tend to lose that ability when we merge with someone else. But if we don’t take space when we need it, we will create a conflict or problem that will allow us to separate.
It is challenging, but it’s essential that we learn to take space more consciously. Once we’ve had a certain amount of closeness, we need to separate and have some time for ourselves, which may be anything from a few minutes to a few days. Intimate relationships are a constant dance between the polarities of closeness and space.
The difficulties in our relationships and in our lives come when we are withholding our truth because we are afraid someone won’t like it or in some way there will be dire consequences. The minute you start hiding the truth, you have a problem in the relationship. You begin to subtly withhold yourself from the relationship, and then the relationship will suffer in aliveness.
An intimate relationship or any relationship that is important, needs to be based on truth and realness or it will die. To what degree you’ve not been truthful in a relationship is the degree to which the relationship suffers. It may feel incredibly scary to be truly honest in a close relationship, because if you let someone get close enough to really see you as you are and you lose that someone, you may feel devastated.
Yet, if you keep that person too far away, then you won’t get enough of what you need. So we keep people at arm’s length, close enough to have some contact, but not close enough to see us. We fear that if they find out who we are they might not want to be with us.
Therefore, we try to have just the degree of intimacy, but no more. Unfortunately, keeping this distance leaves us unsatisfied in our relationships. (An excerpt from my NEW eBook – 7 Steps To Becoming An Empowered Single Woman - NOW available on Amazon.com and in our online shop http://www.moneyandabundance.com - The Perfect Valentine’s Gift)
Until next time, make this a week one in which you are living your life to the fullest.
With appreciation and gratitude
Nigel St.Hill
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Nigel St. Hill is a writer and a life and money management coach helping people who are ready to discover their path to money, abundance and prosperity, so that they could live the life of their dreams. He is the founder of http://www.moneyandabundance.com and author of the book, Money Management Caribbean Style and several ebooks including The Easy Cash Flow System, How to Keep Your Doors Open in a Recession, Creative But Practical Ways to Save money, 8 Simple Ways to Live a Healthy Abundant Lifestyle,12 Secrets to Having a Romantic Relationship, Ten Easy Ways to Empowerment, How to Attract Money and Abundance, Uncover Your True Potential The Complete Guide to Life Skills for Today’s Youth and 7 Steps To Becoming An Empowered Single Woman(NEW)