Winners Give Up Trying To Get Everybody To Like Them.
Are you the type of person that everybody likes? Are you the one that always looks for ways to please your co-workers, friends, bosses or mates? But secretly complains and laments the “concessions” you have made when you get just out of earshot?
Are you the manager, the parent, the friend that everybody loves but don’t challenge your people to be the best they can be?
The one who doesn’t rock the boat too much? Maybe doesn’t speak up for themselves?
Do you make the mistake of thinking you are responsible for other people’s actions? Or worse feelings? (including their feeling about you?)
Many of us try hard to be liked, maybe too hard.
If you need to be liked by everybody, perhaps that’s what’s keeping you from being the best possible version of yourself?
I had this college professor, Norm Tychsen, from my undergrad he was a p#*ck!! He rubbed people the wrong way. He made people feel “belittled” and “demeaned”. He didn’t cut you much slack. He busted my chops in front of a 400 level class on consumer behavior because I skipped a lecture to be in Key West for Spring Break…what an “A$$hole”!!
He also turned out to be my favorite professor/teacher/mentor to date. This sometimes hard to like old man was not mean, nor unlikeable, nor an a$$hole. In the final analysis he was a man deeply convicted and dedicated to getting the absolute best out of each face in front of him.
He took the time to cut through everybody’s initial layer, their façade, the usually accepted layer of social faux-nes and unchallenged persona’s that we parade around in. He also took the heat for doing so. Sometimes laying bare the truth of what you see in a way that can be cathartic is VERY unpopular.
It makes people uncomfortable, irritated, naked. They don’t like it and didn’t like him for it.
Good leaders, teachers, managers…parents (by good I mean effective) are not always the most popular with the troops, their peers, their spouses or kids for that matter.
Guess what?
Being disliked is OK! There, I said it and now you can relax and take a load off.
It’s perfectly fine if some people don’t like you. Not everybody needs to like you and you should stop trying to make it so, and worrying about it if they don’t.
If and only if, they don’t like you for the “right” reasons.
If a business partner doesn’t like you anymore because you hold them accountable to shortcomings, to plans, to promises…in other words actions…that’s ok.
If a spouse or mate doesn’t like you because you stand up for yourself and they don’t get their way? That’s ok!
If, through your actions you expose the weakness of others and they don’t like you that’s ok.
If you set high expectations for others and yourself, and that makes you unpopular, that’s ok.
If you style your hair different and that makes people edgy, uncomfortable and dislike you…..that’s ok too.
Do not be unkind, do not be underhanded, do not demand things of others that you don’t demand of yourself, don’t ask other do something you are unwilling to do. Act in the best interest of others, even if people don’t immediately accept or realize it. Hold people accountable fairly yet firmly. Hold yourself accountable.
Be happy with yourself, believe in yourself.
Remain steady in your convictions, even if that bothers others.
If you act fairly, with purpose and dignity and some people don’t like you? It has more to do with them NOT liking themselves than not liking you.
Winners only really need 1 (one) person to like them…and that’s themselves.
If you like yourself, the right people will like you too and everybody else will just have to settle for respecting you.
Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur. James J. Maioho is COO of buildingmycompany.com and highly sought mentor, coach and strategist. Each of us can become the best possible versions of ourselves. http://winnersgiveup.blogspot.com