The Holidays are approaching! Isn’t it time to celebrate? Not for everybody. If you are single fearing being alone during the holidays, your might want the festivities to pass as quickly as possible. “No time of the year might be so dark, uncomfortable and annoying”, you tell yourself”; “If only I had someone to be with, things would have been different”, you whisper to yourself time and again.
Use the holidays to figure out how not to be alone next year
You might think that such advice is ridiculous. Why to think about next year when this year’s holidays are approaching?
The reason is simple: if you have been single for a long time, what guarantee do you have that you will not be single next year as well? What makes you think that between now and then a miracle will happen and out-of-the-blue you will have a wonderful relationship? If you have been failing in having a wonderful relationship until now, what are the odds that you will succeed in having one next year?
The odds probably do not work in your favour!
Therefore, it is up to you to do something about your situation. Therefore, you may want to use the holidays this year to figure out how to make a change for next year!
How can you use this year’s holidays to become able to have a relationship next year?
The secret to doing so is developing Self-Awareness: getting to understand why you weren’t able to develop a successful intimacy so far; what made you fail in your relationships until now. Is it really so that you just didn’t come across partners who were good enough for you? Is it really so that there were “external conditions” which made it impossible for you to develop and maintain a successful intimacy? Could it really be that you did all you could to find a partner with whom to develop a good relationship but didn’t have luck?
Well, all these can serve you as reasons and rationalizations to not being successful. But is it really the case? Or could there be other reasons for your failed attempts? Could it be that something in you hinders and prevents you from having a successful relationship?
Using the holidays to think these over might help you understand the true reasons for your failures. You might find, for example, that there are patterns of behaviors which repeat themselves throughout all your past-relationships which always caused conflicts between you and your partners. Or you might find out that you haven’t been successful finding a partner until now not because no “suitable” partner came your way, but because you were over-afraid about developing a long-term serious relationship (for one reason or another); or that you are so needy and dependent on whomever you went out with that they terminated the relationship; or that you were so controlling and demanding that many of your dates just rejected your attempts to getting closer and maybe even to moving in together.
Using the holidays’ time to figure out what are the true reasons for your inability to have a serious, meaningful, satisfying intimacy, is a time well-spent. The insights you’ll gain will enable you to find a suitable partner with whom to develop and maintain a successful intimacy.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is a Self-Awareness and Relationships Expert, with 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant. Dr. Gil has taught classes to thousands of students, has written numerous articles on the subject and is the author of: “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!” . http://amzn.to/eAmMmH