The increasing number of separations and divorce is an indication that many are not satisfied with their relationships. Yet, those who stay in an unsatisfying relationship might have reasons for doing so. Whatever the reasons are, there are at least 3 routes to making a change.
Reasons for staying in an unsatisfying relationship
1. Making a change might be very stressful. You know what you now have, but don’t know what you’ll have if and when you separate.
2. You might tell yourself that it is better to have a partner rather than be alone, regardless of being unsatisfied with your relationship.
3. You might not believe that a relationship with someone new will be more satisfying.
4. You might feel that you and your partner have a long history together and you should better stay for “whatever it is that held the two of you together for such a long time”.
Reasons for not staying in an unsatisfying relationship
1. It is very stressful being in an unsatisfying relationship, having to endure endless arguments, disagreements, being continually frustrated, feeling unhappy and miserable.
2. You might feel very lonely within the relationship, a realization which causes pain and suffering.
3. Being stuck in an unsatisfying relationship might hinder your personal growth and development.
4. There is always the possibility of finding and developing a better relationship which will last.
Your reasons for staying or leaving are yours
Surely you have your own reasons for staying or not staying in an unsatisfying relationship. Surely you know what makes you happy or miserable.
But an important question is: can you truthfully say that you have the courage to act according to what you believe is in your best interest? Or could it be that you don’t have this courage and don’t act according to what might actually be beneficial to you?
Making a change
Making a change is often not easy. You might also doubt whether a change will bring you more happiness, or would it only make things even worst for you. As much as this is a common thought and a common concern, it also serves, at times, as justification for not making a change. The fear of change is often so enormous that it drives many to stay stuck in whichever situation they are in.
What routes are available to you as you contemplate your relationship situation?
1. At times it is possible to try to change the relationship for the better you are in. This is possible when you can work with your partner on whatever issues the two of you need to solve together.
2. At times it is possible to make a change by working on your own issues: your attitudes, your behaviors, your control issues or whatever other characteristics/traits sabotage your relationships - a change which will enable you to perceive your intimacy and your partner in a new light.
3. And at times there is no other way around but to leave the relationship. But then, if you do, it is important that you still look inwards and see whether there is anything in you that needs change before you begin a new relationship – in order to do your best to ensure that the new relationship will sail more smoothly than the previous one.
The decision about which route to take is yours. But make sure that whichever route you take you do so for the right reasons!
Doron Gil, Ph.D., a Self-Awareness and Relationships Expert, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant. He has lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, taught classes to students, gave workshops to parents and administrators and is the author of: “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship.:
http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relations...