Reasons For Setting Good Boundaries

A woman that I met at a networking group called me one day for my opinion on something. Usually, I am more than happy to share my thoughts when asked. But this person kept me on the phone over an hour-and-a-half. I soon realized the conversation was one-sided, and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Sound familiar?

As I learned all about her ongoing family drama, her health problems, and other tragedies that were happening in her life, I realized (after 40 minutes into the conversation …I know, it shouldn’t take that long!) this phone call was more like a venting session. Whenever I brought up ways to change her focus, or take action to help her feel more empowered, she dismissed these recommendations with a laundry list of excuses. So why was she using my precious time, knowing she didn’t want my help? Answer: BECAUSE SHE CAN! I ALLOWED IT!

People who invade your space, show up as a friend, a sibling, a mother, father, a co-worker, an acquaintance, the list is endless.

For years, I never had the courage to say no. I would try to avoid conflict regardless of how I was feeling. I had this bad habit of always allowing people into my space without my permission.

Now,I listen to is my gut, my intuition. I know when something doesn’t feel right. I get a funny feeling, a sick sense in the pit of my stomach, and can usually see when someone is using their own agenda on my dime.

So how do we stop these people from draining our life force? You start by voicing your own concerns and opinions, acknowledging them while respecting you. Ask yourself, “Would I allow someone to treat my child this way? We are fearless warriors when it comes to our children. We should take the same action for protecting our own self.

It’s also okay to say No. It’s the first step towards self-care. If you’re tired, if you’d rather not, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, or just not in the mood…say No. You don’t need to justify it. You don’t need to blame yourself for letting someone else down. Give yourself permission to just say No. The more you practice this the easier it gets.

Dr. Phil McGraw’s new book "Life Code" talks all about this and more. You’ll gain incredible insight into negative people who continually show up and invade your space. He refers to them as BAITERs (Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters, Reckless). You’ll learn to protect yourself from assault.

Why would you want do this? This is showing yourself you deserve to respect yourself. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to protect yourself from other people and things that make you feel bad. You deserve to honor all that is important to you.Listen to your heart. Trust your instinct and know you are worthy to receive all of this!

Express yourself. Do not tolerate toxic feelings or relationships. Bottling up your worries, your feelings, your concerns and opinions is a sure-fire way to sabotage your well-being. You will stay in your victim story and lose all control of your life.

Instead, confide in someone you can trust. And learn to ask for help – No one needs to go through a troubling situation alone. Seek guidance from a trusted friend, colleague or family member , who is open-minded, and caring for your overall well-being.

None of the above will be possible if you surrender to feelings of doubt, guilt or regret. Keep a sound bite in your head, “I deserve to feel good.” Repeat, over and over again, until the guilt has nowhere to settle. Pushing out the guilt will lead you on a path to good health and redirect your negative thoughts to positive ones.

A useful tool to use is EFT (Emotion Freedom Technique). For more information visit www.TheTappingSolution.com .

Once you begin to practice the skill of saying No at the right times, respecting your own space and needs, saying what you need to say and letting go of any excess guilt that lingers, you will feel the difference. And it will feel wonderful.