When I was severely ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), the one constant factor in my somewhat restricted life was the unequivocal support I was given by my parents and my husband. If I hadn't received their love and encouragement on a daily basis, I know the journey would have been far tougher and more desperate at times. As I look back to those dark and seemingly hopeless days, I feel extremely blessed; their lives were put on hold in order to ensure my needs were met.
When a person becomes very ill and is often housebound as a result, it is vital their "network" of friends and loved ones remains constant. Sadly, it is often difficult to comprehend what the person is going through, and loved ones might not know what to do to help. Friends drift away, feeling confused or frustrated, wishing things could be as they used to be, yet not considering that by simply being there, they could be making the world of difference to the sick person. On a conscious level, very few people want to be ill, and likewise, those people who are ill can't just "snap out of it".
I was considering all of this when working with one of my telephone clients a few weeks ago. She has been diagnosed with Lyme disease, along with severe multiple chemical sensitivities (MCS) and is, for the most part, housebound. It's difficult for her to receive guests because she usually reacts to their clothes, or toiletries they may have used. "Diane" talks about her "network" a lot; how the present number is dwindling because people are losing patience with her inability to recover. This appeared to be particularly true of family members whom, she said, were casting her aside.
During our work together, I made a point of reframing this to show her how valuable the existing members of her network were to her; how much they loved her and wanted her to recover. Logically, Diane understood this, but then she started to panic. If her family was, as she believed, turning its back on her, how long would it be before her husband and daughter walked away from her? Her fear was extremely intense, and after applying EFT on the current fear, she had calmed down enough for me to ask her why she believed she would lose her husband and daughter. Her answer was profound: "because I'm not lovable".
In Diane's situation, she had developed the limiting self-belief that she was not lovable as some kind of coping strategy. I started wondering what impact this was having on her body. If she believed deep down that she was not lovable, then I assumed she was not able to love herself. If that was the case, then what message was her body hearing? Could it be that subconsciously Diane believed she was not good enough to ever get well or ease her pain? As a result, her body, very compliantly, was rooted in sickness and fear.
I chose to ask Diane whose voice was telling her she wasn't lovable and she replied it was her own. Very easily, she recounted a specific event from a few years ago when she had felt "cast aside" by two friends. She recalled what that hurt felt like every day of her life because she'd been so "crushed" by the event. We immediately started to use EFT to ease the anxiety caused by this memory. The result was she cognitively and emotionally understood that although her self-esteem had been wounded, her friends had not been intentionally hurtful.
Being "cast aside" had been a common theme in her life: In her twenties, she had drunk heavily, experienced physical abuse, and learned not to love herself in order to protect herself.
One of the most joyful things about EFT is that the practitioner doesn't have to know all the painful and often traumatic details from their client. The client's subconscious is tuned into the event sufficiently enough already, so we simply repeat a reminder phrase, such as "I'm not lovable", as we tap. Diane and I were able to make good progress in that one session, gradually peeling away the layers and clearing each painful memory associated with her lifestyle in her twenties.
As we had touched on some core issues during the session, I didn't want Diane to tap on any specific memories as homework, between sessions, since I believed we needed to work through them co-creatively. Instead I asked her to tap on the more general belief of "I'm not lovable". It has been my experience through working with clients that this debilitating core belief can immobilize any attempt to recover. Below is the script I emailed her to try, and anyone can benefit from applying EFT on this common belief.
With your dominant hand, tap the karate chop point on the other hand while saying the following:
"Even though I was taught from a young age I wasn't lovable, I want to love myself now.
Even though maybe I don't want to get over the belief that I'm not lovable, I do want to accept myself.
Even though I don't deserve to let this go, I really do want to put it behind me."
Now tap the following places while saying each of the phrases below:
• top of head: this belief that I'm not lovable
• eyebrow: these negative messages from my youth
• side of eye: which are still impacting me today
• under eye: and for some reason, I don't want to get over this
• under nose: I don't deserve to let it go
• chin: I'm hurting so much
• collarbone: and I don't know if I can love myself enough
• under arm: because I don't know how to
• top of head: what if I am lovable?
• eyebrow: I'm assuming I'm not, but I don't have to believe that
• side of eye: what if I could let this belief go?
• under eye: I want to put it behind me
• under nose: I deserve to put it behind me
• chin: this is not who I am!
• collarbone: and I don't have to believe it
• under arm: I want to choose to believe I am lovable
Feel free to read the script aloud and tap along. After you have tapped through this round, write down how you're feeling and any new thoughts which have come up, then tap again, changing the wording if you need to. Remember, the phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you're feeling. You don't need to be creative - just state what's on your mind.
Accepting who we are and how we are feeling is the first step to recovering from illness and pain. In fact, unresolved emotions, which have been stuffed down inside of us for years, could well be the trigger for the illness and pain in the first place. Under the circumstances, we are always doing our best and just remembering that once in a while can be healing in itself.
Annabel Fisher was introduced to EFT when seriously ill with M.E. (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). She was wheel chair bound, completely exhausted and in constant muscle and joint pain. She began using it regularly and had some really positive results: she had reduced her chronic pain by 60% in 4 months and by 100% within 6 months. Annabel used EFT effectively on other symptoms including digestive disorders, insomnia, light and noise sensitivities, depression and anxiety.
She was astounded by EFT's simplicity and effectiveness. Feeling passionate about EFT, it seemed a natural step to qualify as an EFT Practitioner and later as an EFT Trainer, drawing on her teaching background. Since discovering EFT, she has been treated by Gary Craig (the founder of EFT) and received advanced training from him in England and America. She has also received specific training from various EFT Masters in the UK and USA. In Cornwall, England, Annabel had a successful EFT practice and ran regular training courses before moving to BC, Canada in 2006.
She now combines EFT and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) in her practice, seeing clients privately and working over the phone. She leads regular EFT workshops and teleseminars, plus training programmes which qualify individuals to become EFT Practitioners. She specialises in: coping with serious illness and chronic pain, overcoming stress and overwhelmness, increasing self worth, confidence and the motivation to recover, reaching your fullest potential, leading EFT Workshops and Practitioner Training Discover the power of EFT with The Essentials of EFT Guide and a one-hour EFT Q&A audio recording, all yours absolutely free by visiting http://www.theefthealingcentre.com or calling 1-888-206-8426 (toll free).