Recently I had the opportunity to speak with several employees about their views on conflict, dealing with difficult people, and how to get things done when others aren't cooperating. You know--the usual stuff at work that we all cite as some of the most common stressors.
I was surprised by how many people basically said, "They are wrong and I am right and I will continue to remind them of that until they do what they need to do." Now, these weren't the exact words, of course. These words are a summary of several 20-30 minutes conversations, but that says it in a nutshell.
I was stunned that no one considered problem solving, setting up a meeting to discuss both perspectives, or even asking for advice from someone with more experience. It seemed these folks were simply comfortable with being right (in their opinion) and that rightness would prevail.
But rightness and being effective are not always aligned. Sometimes you have to push aside your reason, logic, and negative opinion of another to do a good job. Being right, in my mind, is not standing stubbornly in defense of your position. Instead it is about getting the best outcome from the situation.
Did you meet the deadline? Is everything working smoothly? Are people communicating better? Did we come in at (or under) budget? Is my child adjusting to school? Will we be able to retire without financial anxiety? Am I calm, at peace, happy...or am I mostly stressed out?
I guess what I am saying is RIGHT LIVING is more important than BEING RIGHT. Instead of arguing or talking about someone negatively or sending defensive e-mails, how about trying something different?
• Use your best communication skills (these are sometimes referred to as “manners” :)
• Work passed your ego. All your "people problems" will disappear when you stop defending your ego. How do you know when it's real and when it's just your ego? You are more concerned with being RIGHT then solving the problem.
• Stop trying to give the impression you are perfect. It has never worked in the history of mankind, and it never will.
• Work toward getting a good night's sleep (I know BEING RIGHT can keep one tossing and turning---I've had a few of those nights myself!). Being rested can lower stress with no change in your outside circumstances.
This article was taken right from the pages of my latest book "101 Ways to Love Your Job". Keep a copy on your desk or in the breakroom…you’ll be surprised at the changes in your coworkers.
From the book jacket '101 Ways to Love Your Job'. See Work-Stress-Solutions.Com for more articles.
Stephanie Goddard (Davidson) is considered a subject matter expert in workplace communications and specializes in leadership and interpersonal skills training. Her clients include many Fortune 500 companies as well as non-profit and public sector employers.
Frequently appearing as a guest on radio programs and published in numerous articles on workplace communications, Stephanie is the author of '101 Ways to Have a Great Day at Work' which is an Amazon 'business-bestseller'; a SHRM bestseller; and has been translated into 14 languages.
She is also a nationally-certified trainer in:
-The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People®
-FranklinCovey’s Project Management®
-"The Skilled Facilitator"® by Schwartz
-Covey’s “First Things First” Time Management®
-FIRO® Element B® ABLE® Communication Preference Wheel®
-Dynamic Dimensions International (DDI) modules
-Master certification in Achieve Global’s® leadership programs
-Ridge’s "People Skills"®
-Myers-Briggs Type Indicator: MBTI®
Stephanie lives in Raleigh, NC where she creates and conducts workshops as well as provides coaching to her local government's employees including EMS personnel, social workers, law enforcement officers, rescue workers, engineers and city planners. She is also an instructor with the American Management Association.