‘The Young Black Man’s Guide to Changing Your Life’
One of my clients is a Single African American woman who lives in Harlem New York. She is the mother of two sons one in which is a 16 year old. She read my book ‘African American Healthy Self-Esteem’ and sought out my coaching services for her teenage son. Her concern is that based on the given conditions of being a single Black parent living in a challenging neighborhood, noticing that her son’s grades have slipped and he has been getting into a lot of neighborhood fights lately, he may be susceptible to falling into the street life. To further increase the odds is the fact that his dad is serving time in a Connecticut prison for a drug conviction.
The statistics are very clear on the likelihood of the outcome of anybody’s life based on the blueprint inculcated and modeled by their parents. Very simply put, if your parents went to college and experience a degree of success, then it is expected that you will meet and in some cases surpass that level of success because of the tools and behavior you absorbed growing up. By the same nature, if your parents or like in the case of my client’s father has a history of prison, this greatly increases the chances of extended generational problems with the criminal justice system. This has been corroborated for more than 50 years of sociological study therefore there is nothing new here.
In my own personal experience as someone who grew up under almost identical circumstances I am here to suggest that there is always the exception to the rule. During my teenage years I was headed down the wrong path and did indeed get into trouble with the law. In retrospect this was a fateful event because my misdeeds led me to meeting the first positive Black man in my life who also served as my first mentor as I embarked onto college.
With my career as an academic, a self-development writer and my life coaching practice, I am in a wonderful position to give back to the community and add value the same way someone once added value to me as a wayward 18 year old.
I have always been partial to the individual who derives from the rough background and fights their way to make it in the world. I love and will always be inspired by the quintessential success story because each person that succeeds leaves a footbridge for us to emulate their success. Living in New York now for a number of years I have analyzed and studied what I believe can be a formula for Black men to make effective changes in their lives and embark on the path to success.
Here are my suggestions for behavior changes to pursue success:
• An increased sense of personal awareness: A person has to take an objective look at his life, assess his friends, behavior and yes even his family and determine if he is on the path towards success or trouble
• Learn to accept and take one hundred percent responsibility for the quality of your life: One’s life is the manifestation and results of decisions made at some earlier point in time. With a broader sense of consciousness and behavior changes, one can create a better and more desirable life.
• Look for mentors: Very few people in history have created success without someone showing them the way. All successful people have and continue to consult coaches and mentors at every stage of their lives.
• Hang out with peers that are doing what you want to do: Robert Kiosoki once stated that environment is stronger than willpower therefore if you hang out with winners instead of losers, your chances of success increase dramatically
• Stop hanging out in the street and in front of bodegas: Really, just stop and go home. It’s that simple. When I moved to New York back in the 90’s it was a culture shock to see how entrenched ‘hanging out’ was a large part of the urban culture. My mother used to say nothing good ever comes from hanging in the streets therefore if you want to change your life going home in the evening would be a great start.
• Increase your reading habit to obsession levels: If a real life mentor is not available, the next best thing is reading about successful people. One of the hidden secrets to success is to read up on people that have done it before you and model their steps.
I think it is important to also understand that despite the recent setbacks Black America has experiences in the form of part of the voting rights act being struck down earlier this month by the Supreme Court and the results of the George Zimmerman trial, America is still the land of opportunity. Black men can achieve success if we choose to change our thinking and behavior. We will find out that opportunities will open up for us when we embrace the change.
Ramone Smith is an Adjunct College Professor at Boricua College, a Self-Improvement author, IPEC trained Life Coach and Contributing Writer for Black Life Coaches.Net. He has more than ten years of experience teaching on the college and GED/Adult Basic Educational level. He also has more than seven years experience as a job/career coach as well as an account manager. His first published book, African American Health Self Esteem, is designed to identify why low-self esteem occurs in the African-American and other minority communities, to provide tools for inspiration to raise self-esteem levels, and pursue the objective of actualizing one's intellectual gifts and aptitudes.
As a Life Coach, Ramone Smith is trained in the skill of 'Core Coaching' which assist clients in the process of identifying self worth and achieving personal and professional goals.
Ramone is married to his lovely wife, Cynthia Smith and is the proud father of his beautiful daughter, Ziomara Smith.