How To Get The Most From Personal Relationships

We are all guilty of taking things for granted. Perhaps the thing we take for granted most of all are our personal relationships. However, very rarely do we stop to think about the processes involved in forming personal relationships. The reason why we should, is because personal relationships are at the heart of our happiness and future success.

Networking is one example of this. Your ability to form both informal and formal alliances with people can make or break both your chances of happiness and success in your future life. Whether we want to or not, making the right connections will make the difference to your career or business. In short the right inter personal relationships are what give us the edge.

Interpersonal skills are essential if you want to gain confidence. Interpersonal skills come naturally to some people- but even for those of us who possess charisma in abundance there is no harm in looking at the science behind personal relationships. By refining our technique in forming relationships we can guarantee success rather than just leaving it in the lap of the gods.

There are several qualities that we associate with friendship. One of the most important things we look for is similarity. Often our friendships are based on shared likes and dislikes. We often make friends with people who share the same morals or principles. Culturally we often bind ourselves to people with similar tastes in music and films. Likewise we are often united in our shared sense of dislike as well. In short we often associate ourselves with people who we share important things in common with.

Of course in the work place or business world we are not always going to be lucky enough to strike up a natural rapport with someone based on shared tastes. But do not despair, there are ways to create the illusion of similarity and familiarity. Psychologists call this technique mirroring. Mirroring is a behaviour pattern that psychologists have observed in people who like one another. If you are out on a date and are looking for a sign that your date is interested then watch their body language. If you find they are copying your non verbal communication then the chances are you are on to a winner! Of course mirroring can be exploited by those in the know.

You want the individual's subconscious mind to register you as a friend not a threat. This can be done subtly, for instance adopting a similar posture, smiling when they smile and matching the volume of their voice. If this seems a bit stupid or even creepy then think of this. Mirroring is observed not just in humans but in any group of animals that have complex social structures. Observations of wolfs for instance have revealed that mirroring occurs within a pack environment. It is nature’s way of gaining social advantage in complex societies . From knowing the techniques you are just giving yourself an edge in negotiation and forming relationships.

Lets face it there is nothing we like more than to receive a pat on the back every now and again. Praise stimulates us , makes us more productive and inspires confidence in our ability to achieve greatness. Receiving recognition for our achievements is one of the ultimate feel good moments. Lets face it we would not have Oscar ceremony’s or Nobel peace prizes otherwise. When forming your relationships the way you measure praise out to others around you is of key importance. In the workplace one of the key reasons for discontent is often not due to pay and benefits but to not feeling recognised.

A single email from an office manager thanking their team for a job well done can have as much of an impact as a promise of better pay. Of course the skill is in not overdoing praise. Too much praise can lose its impact or worse still appear insincere on the individual in question. But with a bit of common sense measured praise is an excellent relationship enhancer.

Finally let’s think quickly about the way you approach others. In all areas of relationship – personal or otherwise if you make your intention when speaking to others appear to be a desire to connect with them - rather than to get something out of them – then you will have far more success in forming a partnership with them. This is because you will have set that person at ease and made them feel that you have taken an interest in their personal development. It sounds simple but this is a mistake that many people make when it comes to forming relationships.