Over the next few days I want to share with you the importance of improving our communication. It all starts with learning more about ourselves rather than anything else, and I want to look at that in more detail with you so you can get a better idea of the steps it takes to be a stellar communicator.
Now the reason I believe this to be so important is that if we can all learn to express ourselves from a deeper understanding of what we want and need, and why we want and need it, then truly we will all experience less conflict & misunderstandings in our lives and a lot more cooperation, appreciation and loving harmony.
I believe that communication is an equal opportunity skill for all areas of our lives, whether personal or professional and is a skill that will improve our intimate relationships, families will be healthier, communities more collaborative and nations more united.
I do like to say that being a stellar Communicator is really all about lots of "C" words, Curiousity, Consciousness, Compassion, Connection, Collaboration, Control, Consideration, Care...........no I wasn't thinking Chocolate, but having said that isn't everyone more agreeable when eating chocolate? LOL
So for today we are going to start with the "C" word Consciousness which really is only a trendy new age word for personal awareness so don't let the word scare you off the good information.
Lesson #1
So what does being CONSCIOUS mean?
CONSCIOUSNESS: (kon-shuhs-nis) NOUN: to understand the deeper meaning of what you think and feel
It is about really noticing and becoming aware of your own feelings, reactions and responses. Relationships are inside work and the people around us are only triggers for us to notice how we are feeling, what has made us feel that way, what values are being prodded, what needs are being compromised, what story are we telling ourselves about an event, comment or conversation.
Our reactions and feelings are entirely made up from what we think and the perspective we have told ourselves about it. I do love to say "don't believe everything you think" and the reason is that what we think is shaped by our past experiences good and bad. If we don't have a thought then we won't have a feeling or reaction, and that feeling is most likely based on thoughts that are probably not unbiased thoughts, but a collection of conclusions we learned since childhood and through past hurts where we have learned to deny our needs, values and primary emotions.
For instance one person can hear a comment or view an event completely differently than you, based on your different experiences with the words, what happened, where they were said, how they were said, the context etc and both of you could easily draw up completely different conclusions, neither right or wrong, just different.
Your job is to notice what story, or tape you have running in the background that filters all the messages you get from others. Once you notice your thoughts and the FEELINGS that come up from the interaction you can get clearer on what those FEELINGS mean to you. I know I am using the "F" word but seriously our FEELINGS are our barometer for what we really need and value and when we are able to tune into them we have done the first part to learning how to communicate better with the purpose of living more authentically & truthfully with ourselves and others. The impact of being able to do this is you will be able to live your life more in line with your real needs and values not from the unconscious drivers from the past.
The intention of the consciousness exercise is to then be able to express how you feel to another person in a calm and clear way, which in turn builds connection, trust and a greater understanding between you, BUT that is for another lesson, so for now as we explore all aspects of communication I would like to invite you to NOTICE what you FEEL when something or someone is "triggering" you and what thoughts or story came up before you had a reaction. Work backwords. Do your best to just be aware of yourself and we will talk about how to share it with others later on in the series.
LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING HOW BEING MORE AWARE OF YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HELPS YOU.
MHEYAH
MHEYAH is dedicated to bringing Effective Heart Centred Communication to groups, couples & individuals. At Connection Point we know that excellent communication can be learned and is the key to living happy, loving and successful lives, personally, professionally & globally. We provide inspirational & transformative coaching integrating the wisdom of the HEART and the power of the MIND. Mheyah is a Coach, Consultant, Counsellor, Trainer, Speaker & Author at Connection Point Centre for Inspired Living.