The Art of Right Relationship

Have you ever wanted to heal one of your relationships, and you didn’t know how or where to start? I’ve experienced some tumultuous upsets in some of my relationships over the past year, and wanted to find a way to heal the issue within myself before approaching the person involved. I turned my attention to two powerful tools, and combined them for an effective process for healing relationships with others without needing to interact with them.

The first tool is the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono (make things right). I begin by gently holding the person in my mind, and repeating, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” I say this internally or out loud whenever I think of it. The second tool is my imagination, in a process called inner journey work. In a quiet location, I close my eyes with an intention to resolve the relationship, and simply allow whatever images appear to unfold in my imagination. I don’t try to guide or change them, I simply stayed tuned in, no matter how strange or silly they might appear.

I have found that my subconscious mind will use symbols and imagery to guide me through the resolution. In one case, a couple I wanted to heal my relationship with appeared in my imagination as a pair of tame rabbits. As I began to speak the words of Ho’oponopono to them, the rabbits held an ornate golden oval mirror up for me to look into while I spoke. I grinned with the understanding that I was really saying the words to myself.

I walked away from that inner journey session with the understanding that healing our relationships with others is always an inside job. It’s so easy to blame others for the difficulties, and, being human, I often do. More and more, however, I understand the value of doing the inner work first. By doing so, I give myself an opportunity to take responsibility for my own contributions to the difficulties in the relationship. When I’m willing to look that deeply inside myself and listen for my inner guidance and authority, I often discover that the qualities I’m blaming someone else for are really things I’m not willing to see in myself.

There’s a word for such qualities that we don’t see in ourselves, and it’s called “shadow.” There’s a human tendency to cast or project our shadows onto other people rather than see them in ourselves. Starting to recognize and integrate our own shadows is deep and intensive work. For those who are willing, it’s very rewarding and brings one closer to a state of wholeness and inner peace.

The art of right relationship begins within. When we are in true integrity with who we are, taking responsibility for our shadows and projections, we are practicing Ho’oponopono with ourselves. From that foundation, we cannot help but draw to us people with similar values. Even so, there will always be misunderstandings and difficulties in relationships. Now, when I find myself wanting to blame someone else for my bad feelings, I simply look in the mirror and say “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”