Better relationship? The Chicago Cubs? You may be asking what the two have in common. Back in 2003, it was extremely disappointing watching the 7th game between the Chicago Cubs and the Florida Marlins. The game started out great and somewhere along the way, it headed south. There were many Cub fans, myself included, that were left in dismay and disbelief that the Cubs did not advance to the World Series.
The Cubs had not won a World Series since the early 1900's and many people would often talk about a curse that was placed on the ballclub a long time ago. Even this year, after the Cubs lost, it amazed me to hear the media immediately refer to the "curse" as a reason to why they lost. I found this to be extremely insulting to the dedicated players and managers on the team that worked so hard to bring the ballclub further than they have ever been in almost a century. The efforts of the team players and the managers are not unlike the efforts that two people make when trying to create a better relationship and marriage together, only to wind up seeking a divorce.
We can learn a great lesson from the media's dismissal of the ballclub's achievements, and that is that no one will appreciate the successes you attain more than yourself. In applying this concept to our own personal life and attempting a better relationship after a divorce, we must keep in mind that there will often be others that are judgmental however in the end, we will still have to face ourselves. In order to focus on a more empowering perspective, we must ask ourselves several questions, such as: Just because I didn't have a marriage that lasted, does that make me a failure?; Am I going to be a person that blames my faults on outside forces, or will I take responsibility for the parts which I created?; and, Can I sincerely give myself credit for the successes I create in my life? It is in sincerely exploring the answers to these questions that one can start the healing process and attempt a better relationship after divorce.
Ray Kadkhodaian, MA, CAC, LCPC, CADC, is the President & CEO at The Lighthouse Emotional Wellness Center, located in Arlington Heights, Illinois. Although The Lighthouse is the midwest's premiere center of its kind, offering a wide variety of emotional wellness services to its clientele, Ray and his wife primarily work with couples seeking happiness and satisfaction in life and relationships. You can reach Ray directly by emailing him at rayk@lighthouseofillinois.com