The Power of Self-Love - Is Your Anger Running Your Life?

As I am awakening to the beauty of who I am, the ugly part of me shows up in the form of anger. I mean real anger; the evil witch in me shows up and has no mercy. Well, a few days ago, that evil witch almost cost me the love of my life. I got so upset and angry when John and I were having an argument that I got another friend involved and asked him to leave. I have told him to leave a few times in the past and every time I do it he doubts our relationship. This last time he was not planning on coming back and I thought I lost him forever. I woke up the next morning feeling very sad and crying a lot, all day long, thinking about how great he is, how he has been treating me, how much he loves me, how much he cares about me and the way he makes me feel. I asked myself a lot of questions, what if he was the love of my life, the man of my dreams, my knight in shining armor, my soul mate and the one who will make me happy forever? Am I robbing myself of my own happiness?

I felt emotionally tired because I have been fighting myself for years and years, chasing men away because I didn't trust them and resented them, because of abuse from the past. I am still healing the little girl in me who was sexually abused many years ago. It is time for me to let go of her pain, it has served its purpose, I have learned what I needed to learn and I am embracing the new me. That little girl's pain cannot hold on to me anymore. She manifests herself in the form of the angry evil witch and makes choices for me. She only thinks about how she feels, about what she wants, which is to be alone most of the time and dwell in her pain and misery, being totally selfish and bitchy when men try to get close to her.

I am making a new choice and I am willing to release the pain associated with my sexual abuse. I forgive all the 6 men who have abused me and I am willing to let it go. I am willing to transmute my anger into love and peace. I choose love; I choose to be outrageously happy. I choose GOD.

So to the "Little Marieme in me" who suffered the pain of sexual abuse, emotional trauma and self-loathing, I say: "I choose ME at 32 years of age, and I lovingly let you go of the pain I have been hanging onto, with love. I choose to make a different choice. There is no reason to keep suffering. My anger will no longer dictate my behaviors and affect the relationships in my life. I am reborn; you are a part of me that I love and I willingly release the pain we've been through so we can both be at peace."

The questions that you should ask yourself are: how is my anger running my life? How is it making choices for me? How am I allowing it? Am I willing to let go of my pain and transmute my anger into love? By when? Then make it happen!