Here is a simple practice that will help you get what you want in relationship -- in all kinds of relationships actually!
Ready? It's just too simple: Say no.
Do you say 'yes' when you feel 'no'? Do you avoid confrontation? Does it feel scary when you want to disagree with someone? So much so, that you say just say 'yes' instead? Do you think it's easier to say 'yes'?
Well...let me clarify one very important thing -- especially when it comes to relationship: Your sweetie cannot trust your 'yes' unless s/he has heard your 'no'. If you mix up these messages, there truly isn't any way to trust either one. If you are someone who is comfortable enough to clearly state your 'yes' -- which means when you feel 'no' you say it -- the person receiving your responses, knows that this is your Truth.
But most people have trouble saying 'no'.
Of course, we can analyze this in depth and it's potentially useful. But first let's begin this exploration -- before the holidays get going in full force: I invite you into an extremely useful practice this week.
YOUR HEALING PRACTICE: Practice saying "no" or "no, thank you" to 3 people per day. Just do it. Tim Ferris, of The Four Hour Work Week, suggests going out onto the street and just practicing with everyone you meet. This week you can follow it up with "I'm just practicing saying "no" -- thank you for being there for my practice!" This week you can say, "no" first and then later on say "yes." This week is just about getting the words out of your belly, up your esophagus, passing by your vocal cords and out of your mouth!
Tell your children, tell your spouse, tell your friends -- "This week I am going to say 'no' a few times when you ask me to do something. I'm just practicing!"
TANTRA TIP: Sit across from your partner in a designated sacred space. Set your timer for 5 minutes. One person begin saying "no" in all the creative ways you can come up with! The listener responds with "thank you." Then switch. Each person receives 5 minutes of 'no' practice. Go for it! Laugh with it. But get it into your body -- "no" -- it's a beautiful, safe, boundary setting, deeply loving word to speak. Trust me!
Robyn Vogel, MA, LMHC, is an intimacy coach who serves the community by offering Tantra-infused counseling to couples, individuals and groups. For 20+ years, she has been supporting others in creating more love in their lives. She has been trained in several body-oriented modalities which support her spiritual approach to healing and her deep connection to this work: Reiki energy healing, Chakra-balancing, Internal Family Systems, yoga therapy, EMDR,and family mediation. Find out more at http://www.SacredTantricFire.com