Dear Lisa,
Why is it that when two people start dating for the first four to six months the relationship is fine, and then it falls apart? In the beginning, you’re calling each other all the time, emailing, spending time together, and then things start to go downhill and the man stops calling as regularly, and you don’t see each other as often, but he says there is nothing wrong.
I find myself becoming more insecure when he is always so busy, and can’t see me as much as he did in the beginning. He used to always compliment me on my looks or what I wore wear, but now he doesn’t notice. Does he care? Has he lost interest?
Missing the Thrill
Dear Thrill,
It is true that you are most likely to be dumped in the first 3-5 months of a relationship. That new-person thrill starts to fade (sort of like the new-car smell) and couples tend to end it before things get too complicated. Or, they decide they like each other and take the relationship to the next level.
Unfortunately, there’s not enough information in your letter to know if a breakup is impending, but it sounds like your guy may just be starting to get comfortable in the relationship.
That said, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that your gentleman is a real person, and not a character in a romance novel. If that is indeed the case, you have GOT to cut this guy some slack!
It is impossible to maintain an extremely high level of intensity for an extended period of time. Eventually you have to sleep, wax your legs, or (gasp) go to classes. There is probably nothing wrong at this point. Your guy is starting to relax a bit and can’t possibly go on chasing you at full throttle forever. Marathon romance only happens on the Lifetime channel.
I am concerned though, that your insecurity and persistent questioning (Is anything wrong? Are you sure nothing’s wrong? Would you tell me if anything was wrong?) will most certainly drive this man (and every other man) in the opposite direction. Believe what he is telling you, give him a little space, and do your own thing for a while. If you’ve been spending 24-7 with this guy for four months, you’ve probably been neglecting your girlfriends anyway.
Take a step back, put a muzzle on, and give your guy (and yourself) some space. Otherwise, the rejection you’re fearing will soon be a rejection you’re feeling.
XO,
Lisa
TV Dating Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and Fifteen Minutes of Shame (a novel) and is seen everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.
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Dating expert Lisa Daily blogs her dating tips and advice at lisadaily.com/datingexperttv. She is the Dating Coach on Daytime , a nationally-syndicated morning TV show and a syndicated columnist. She’s also the bestselling author of Stop Getting Dumped! and How to Date Like a Grown-Up: Everything You Need to Know to Get Out There, Get Lucky or Even Get Married in Your 40’s 50s and Beyond. Lisa was featured as a real-life “date doctor” in the HITCH movie DVD starring Will Smith.