Whether you just got out of a relationship, or have been struggling to heal your broken heart for some time now, figuring out how to move on can be confusing, fear-inducing, and downright uncomfortable. Not only do you have to let go of your past, but you’ve got to be willing to embrace the unknown future. If the task sounds daunting, don’t worry. By unlocking the following seven secrets, you’ll unleash your personal reinvention and go from “I’ll never be the same” to “What was his name?” in no time!
Secret #1: Become a “glass is half full” kind of person
Maybe your last relationship wasn’t so good. Maybe your entire relationship history makes you feel frustrated, confused, and/or disappointed. Instead of embracing bitterness or defeat, why not take a step back and look at your life from a different perspective? Start by asking yourself what you learned from your last relationship and all those previous relationships. By embracing the idea that there’s a reason for everything and/or a life lesson to be learned, how can you shift from being a “glass is half empty” kind of person to seeing the glass as half full? It may be as simple as shifting focus to the blessings in your life, rather than obsessing about what’s missing. Starting today, practice gratitude for your home, your health, your job, your friends, your pets, and/or your family. By celebrating the many blessings already in your life, you’re better able to feel good about your future, and ultimately attract healthy, happy, whole individuals who are also “glass is half full” kind of people.
Secret #2: Play up your strengths
It’s all too easy to focus on our flaws. But what if instead you played up your strengths? For example, instead of obsessing about the fact that your butt’s bigger than you’d like, or your childhood was kind of screwed up, or that you got passed over for that promotion at work, celebrate the many ways you’re magnificent. For example, rather than feel bad about your bodacious booty, show off your sexy calves by wearing sassy heels and skirts. Or, let go of your dysfunctional childhood and instead celebrate the amazing friends you have in your life right now. Or, infuse your work with renewed passion and enthusiasm, getting your boss’ attention in the process and possibly earning yourself a promotion in the months to come.
Secret #3: Fall in love with yourself
We all have those days when we don't feel pretty, think we’ve missed out on our chance at love, and/or in general feel frustrated about the state of our lives. When you start to feel this way, remind yourself of your own innate fabulousness. You ARE a catch! You have a fantastic life full of possibility! You’re an amazing human being, flaws and all. By celebrating who you are at your very core, and learning to accept yourself warts and all, you’re better able to love and accept yourself in the moment. In the process, others will take notice. Before you know it, you’ll be attracting like-minded individuals who love themselves, warts and all.
Secret #4: Don't take life too seriously
Sometimes it’s hard to get outside your comfort zone, take risks, and go for what you really want. But guess what? Now’s the perfect time to take life less seriously and increase your level of every day enjoyment. The radical results? You’ll free yourself from self-inflicted judgment, and create a space where doing things that once scared you now feels not only possible but easy. Maybe you’ll start writing that book, take that trip abroad, approach a cute stranger and just say hi, or splurge on your first home (a feat that once felt impossible). Whatever it is that used to seem out of reach, give yourself permission to go for it, starting today. By not taking yourself or your life too seriously, you begin to enjoy your everyday experiences so much more and start attracting amazing individuals.
Secret #5: Make time for things you enjoy
It’s all too easy to get bogged down by obligation. But what if in 2009, you regularly took time away from your “have to” schedule for that equally important “want to” list? At least once a week, make a date with yourself and have some fun. From signing up for salsa dance class to attending a creative workshop that speaks to you to having game night with friends, play time is just as important (if not more) as work time. By creating space to feed your spirit, you awaken your best self. The results? A more satisfying life, plus the possibility of meeting like-minded potential partners.
Secret #6: Meet new people
Now that you’re single again, it’s time to get out of your comfort zone and find like-minded individuals. Volunteer for a cause near and dear to you. Join a new club or take up a new activity. Get involved in your community. In the process, you’ll meet inspired individuals with similar interests. Seek them out on a regular basis and enjoy time with new friends. You never know how these new connections will enhance your life. From finding love to embarking on new adventures to experiencing amazing new opportunities, now’s your chance to expand your social circle.
Secret #7: Invest in your personal development
With your heart on the mend, why not do something to inspire personal growth? It’s a great way to celebrate yourself and encourage continued expansion. Invest in a self help book that appeals to you. Spend time with a mentor or guru you admire. Hire a life coach and create and action plan for the next six months. By investing in yourself and your personal development, you’ll be well-equipped to celebrate the amazing individual that you are and continue to become. Love that!
Learning to celebrate yourself is the key to your reinvention. By unlocking the seven secrets above in the coming months, you’re sure to experience a most magnificent reinvention. When in doubt, practice patience, perseverance, and humility. Good luck!
Internationally acclaimed heartbreak reinvention coach Lisa Steadman works with women who are ready to heal the pain of the past and step into their brilliant futures. She’s the best selling author of It's A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life - for good! and the follow up workbook It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him. She regularly contributes to the media, including appearances on The Today Show, The Tyra Banks Show, Playboy Radio, and New Zealand’s Good Morning. Lisa lives in Southern California with her husband, whom she met and married after successfully surviving and thriving following her Big Breakup. She can be found at LisaSteadman.com.