Making a decision whether to get a divorce or not is an awfully difficult choice that a person must make in his/her lifetime. One has to think about a lot of important factors, like children, the number of years you’ve been together, the major differences, and the possible effects of divorce on the family’s finances. However, the most important question that a person should be asking oneself is about his/her happiness: if you get a divorce will it make you happier or would you be better off staying in the marriage? This is an important question that you should ask not only to yourself but to your partner as well.
Sometimes one can never know because there is no way of seeing into the future or telling what the future holds. Being a parent sometimes makes one worry that the children will be miserable, but in reality, they might be even more miserable if you stay together in the chaotic marriage. What motivates a person to get a divorce? Anyone making a divorce decision often has several reasons for wanting such. One factor is abuse in the relationship—whether physical or emotional, abuse needs to end. Abusive relationships hardly ever get better. The only way to get out of it is to break the cycle and leave.
Hoping and praying that the abuse will end is futile; often, people who does only subject themselves to more abuse. There is, however, a glimmer of hope: an abusive relationship can get better if, and ONLY IF there will be separation for a long period of time while the abusive partner undergoes treatment from a qualified professional. Aside from abuse, there are many other reasons for divorce that may not be as obvious. It could be an extramarital affair, or merely the fact that you just can’t seem to see eye to eye on a lot of things. And more often than not, it is just a general feeling of unhappiness and frustration from the relationship.
Whatever the reason, there is always that sense of uncertainty over what the best thing to do would be. This is pretty normal, and precisely the reason for support groups and websites aiming to assist people who are contemplating a divorce. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as a marriage made in heaven. Every marriage has flaws; even the old couple down the block who have obviously been married decades ago doesn’t have a perfect relationship. Which makes one wonder: what made them stick together, and why, oh why can’t you have a relationship just like that? There are two very obvious reasons for this: first, because in their era, divorce was frowned upon.
It was simply unheard of—once you’re married, you stay married NO MATTER WHAT. You made the promise “till death do us part” and that’s when you will part: in death. Another reason is because they stayed together not only through the good times, but especially through the hard times. Marriage is not a walk in the park, or a bed of roses; there will always be hard times, and when a couple is able to stick through it together, they come out stronger than ever. Maybe this is what every marriage needs—not giving up. If every couple would always give up every time the going gets tough, they will never achieve anything but divorce.
The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website relazine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.