Dating Successfully After Divorce

You've emerged from a divorce and you feel like you're ready to date again. Dating is a fun and exciting part of life and can help with the post-divorce healing process. Your new dating experiences don't have to be a nightmare even if you're a bit out of practice.

Think about the following ideas and use them to start enjoying life again. Remember that dating is meant to be fun, not a chore.

It's OK to be scared and it's normal. It can be scary to enter the dating scene after years of being away from it. You may be apprehensive about how you look or what to say. Remember that it's fine if you are a bit out of practice or nervous. Any time we move to a new phase in our lives there is some level of discomfort with the unknown. Try to devote your energy to thinking of positive ideas like how much fun it will be to meet interesting people. Dating is full of exciting possibilities that you can use to move on with your life. Take a deep breath or two and be yourself.

Try not to drive yourself crazy with expectations. Not every date needs to be "perfect" to be a great date. The main idea is to have fun and enjoy the time you spend with the other person. Don't think you have to show off or act like someone else. It's actually more natural to just act like yourself and forget about pretending to be someone you're not. You don't even have to spend a lot of money. Simple dates are as effective as expensive ones. It all comes down to relaxing and enjoying yourself without worrying about everything having to be a certain way.

Actively work on becoming the best person you can be. When you learn about yourself, you will discover what kinds of people you would like to date rather than always settling for anything that comes along. Focus on activities you can do on your own and spending plenty of time by yourself. Discover who you are before you involve someone else in the equation. The more you know about yourself the more likely you are to attract people who like the real you. Make sure you fill your life with activities you like to do and you will begin attracting people who share your interests.

Repeating the patterns of the past. If you haven't worked through the issues in your past you will tend to repeat the same actions over and over. You will likely even be attracted to the same kind of person you just left. Seriously consider seeking some counseling to help you understand yourself and to give you some great tools you can use to really enjoy life to its fullest. That is, unless you are dying to repeat the same stuff over and over. There is no shame in seeking outside help, it really just makes you stronger and helps you live a happier life.

Avoid dating while under the influence. Alcohol and drugs may give you the illusion of courage but they really just cloud your judgment. You are much more likely to meet great partners if you have all your faculties and can make clear-headed decisions. Many people think that they are more attractive and witty when they're drinking. The question to think about is whether we want people to like the sober or drunk version of us. Practically speaking, you have a better chance of meeting someone for the right reasons if you are sober.

Let people know you're available and keep an open mind. Tell your co-workers, family and friends that you want to meet someone and they will start thinking of ways to match you up. Keep an open mind and consider meeting different kinds of prospective partners. Don't pass someone up because they don't fit some abstract notion of your perfect mate. Remember that it was your old way of evaluating people that led you to your current divorce. Meet a variety of people so you can learn what you like and don't like in the dating world. It's also fun to broaden your horizons by learning new things from different kinds of individuals.

Don't rush into another marriage. We are especially vulnerable to wanting to go back to the comfort and routine of wedlock when we've come out of a tough divorce. Try not to immediately make plans for getting married after your first date. You might find yourself in the same dilemma you are currently in. Forget about marriage for at least a couple of years so you can become as strong as possible. Stand on your own two feet before you bring someone else into the picture. It's actually OK to enjoy dating without getting married.

Dating after divorce doesn't have to be a disaster. You can follow these basic points to increase your chances of dating success and have fun in the process. Remember that dating is an opportunity to learn about yourself and get away from the mistakes of the past. Everyone deserves to enjoy a fulfilling dating life and you're no exception.