Lynn Melville, author of 'Breaking Free from Boomerang Love', believes that Domestic Violence 'Awareness' Month should be re-named Domestic Violence 'Prevention' Month. "Being 'aware' of domestic violence doesn't help," Melville says. "We need to work to 'prevent' it."
But how do we know that a person might turn into an abuser later? How do we 'prevent' committing to them? And how do we break the Cycle of Violence once we're involved with an abuser?
Current Center for Disease Control statistics state that four women are murdered every day in the United States - by their intimate partner - and that 25 percent of their children actually witness those brutal killings. In addition, the abuser then frequently kills himself also.
'Prevention' of domestic violence is desperately needed.
In Melville's book, she describes the domestic abuse Cycle of Violence (leaving an abuser and then going back to him/her) as really a Cycle of Love. "It's actually a Cycle of Love, a repetitive behavior that keeps the victim trapped and stops them from giving up and walking away," she says.
The victim who loves an abuser has trouble accepting that the person they fell in love with has been so damaged by their childhood that they can't function without jealousy (fear of abandonment) and subsequent rage. Victims frequently believe that if they love their abuser enough, the hurtful behavior will disappear. They think their love can make up for all the neglect, abuse and abandonment their abuser received.
Victims don't understand that their love isn't enough - it'll never cure their abuser. Abuser's need long term professional mental health help.
Melville says we should be concerned that a person might turn into a future abuser if we see any of the following Red Flag behaviors:
1. Low stress tolerance with explosive behavior
2. Moody - switches from nice guy/gal to anger without much provocation
3. They have to be right. They have to win. They have to look good.
4. Very slow to forgive others. They hang on to resentment.
5. A taker - not a giver. They give for show, expecting something in return.
6. They always feel misunderstood.
7. 'Chip on the shoulder' attitude - cocky and arrogant
8. They're never wrong. You're always the one at fault.
9. Tries to cut you off from family and friends.
10. Little, if any, remorse for mistakes
For 80 more Red Flag behaviors that warn of a possible abusive relationship, visit Melville's web site (www.boomeranglove.com) or blog (www.stoptheabuseblog.com).