Decades ago people would meet in crowded bars and try to start conversations with complete strangers in the hope of quickly creating a relationship that would last a lifetime. As you can imagine, that didn't have a high rate of success. Then the internet evolved and people progressed from simple chat rooms to a variety of more advanced dating sites. Instead of the dim lighting and loud crowds of the bar and club scene, people finally had a way to communicate discreetly with potential partners to identify common interests and build a foundation that a real, stable relationship could evolve from over time.
Unfortunately, the same seedy characters and classless individuals who used to lurk around bars and clubs in search of prey have also migrated online and use a variety of tricks to take advantage of naive good-hearted people looking for love online. That is why I always tell my matchmaking clients that the first step to finding any worthwhile relationship is making sure your journey is a safe one!
Most online dating neophytes are already keenly aware of the basics like making sure you meet any potential partner in a public place. Be sure your friends or family know where you are and who you are with, including having a contact time for you to call in or text an 'all is fine' message to them. However, there are also some more subtle things to be wary of while looking for love.
In hard economic times there is a growing rash of people using creative ways to ask for money from unwitting online dates. Pen-pals trying to get you to provide airfare so they can come to see you from a distant location. Sad ' sob stories' about a sick relative who may or may not exist, get rich quick schemes that you can 'invest in' as a show of trust. Charity contributions payable to them for lesser known organizations. There are all kinds of schemes aimed at getting you to send money to them or through them. That is why you should have a bright line rule for your own dating activities. Never ask anyone for any money for any reason, and if someone asks you for money before the tenth date in person (no matter how little and regardless of the reason) immediately terminate all contact with them.
While requests for cash are easy to identify and reject, requests for information are sometimes even more dubious and go unnoticed by online dating newbies. It is vitally important that every relationship be built on trust. For that reason you should feel obligated never to lie to someone you are considering dating. However, some people confuse honesty with transparency. While you must give honest answers when you do answer, you are never required to agree to answer any question that makes you uncomfortable. Some basics like what city you are from or what line of work you are in are common early tidbits of information people share reasonably. The mistake is allowing those general facts to be narrowed down to unalterable specifics.
For example, giving someone your telephone number at work, the name of your company, your office address, contact information for your friends or family and that sort of extended connectivity to your life can be a source of extreme emotional pain in the future. You do not want some stranger calling your office looking for you after a relationship doesn't work out, or bothering your sister about you on her cell phone if you decide to end the courtship. Guard your specific information carefully.
It is important to understand that millions of people do find love online and you are very likely to be one of them eventually, but it is common for people to meet dozens or even hundreds of people at the dating profile level before finding someone compatible. Even with the best dating site screening process, some bad people will manage to get inside the community and it is your obligation to prevent them from ruining your own experience. Take the time to think about what you will or won't answer. Always give an honest answer if you choose to give one, and get comfortable with the idea of saying "I'm not comfortable sharing that much about myself just yet."
During a career in counseling, currently specializing in Lesbian Dating at girlfriendsmeet.com, life coaching and matchmaking that has spanned more than 15 consecutive years, Kevin Sparks has worked diligently with thousands of single men, couples, single women and transgender individuals seeking a trustworthy confidant who can give actionable advice, useful feedback and constructive tips from an objective point of view.