Is Your Relationship Going Stale?

When your relationship goes stale, what do you do next? Are you out the back when commitment from your long time partner is not in the offing? When sand hills build up into mountains between you both over time, do you start looking for new territories to discover? When he's not "perfect" in every way you can think of, do you feel really let down and consider shunning him?

Well, of course the answer is not the same for everybody. So, please never accept any pat answers--ever! Your Soul is your ultimate Guide! But here are some ideas that you might like to give some thought to.

Some complaints about relationships can be that he no longer engages in supportive conversation or joint spiritual practice--not touching each other's depth; his attention is elsewhere; she seems closed and unreachable. In any case, these leave the relationship dry, no juice is flowing and the partners feel drained and dead in this most important area of their life.

It seems that each one's misunderstandings and differing ways of interacting with the World creep into a once bright and hopeful relationship to cloud it. When those differences build with no resolution in sight, the walls go up and the lights dim. You wind up with a shell of a relationship that may feel itchy, or perhaps even toxic to deal with.

The problem is that hearts are not meant to be a sacrifice. They are meant to be open, not closed. Hearts are what engender the Whole of Life. And not having your heart flow can feel like a slow death.
So, the first point is, healing is in order! But don't misunderstand. The healing starts with the one who wants it--not in trying to change the other person. It means that you are first looking for access to your own Soul, to letting your Juice fly, to being really Who you are! You can never ask anyone else to do that for you, and you can't blame anyone else because you are not expanding. That is up to each individual to take charge of the Great Expansiveness within themselves.

So, first get on board with your Soul! Feel it, love it, enjoy that very most precious of relationships! Your Soul, your God Self is the real source of your Juice, your beauty, your effervescence! Use your Sadhana—your daily spiritual practice, try constantly repeating a great mantra for change, do something you love doing—perhaps hiking in the wilderness, snuggling with your kids, creating art through sound, painting, sculpture, poetry and so on. Get out of your own cage! Take responsibility for yourself rather than blaming the relationship.

Next, begin to unearth the depth between you. Once you are truly, fully enmeshed in your own Soul's Light, then while staying within that precious Energy, relate to your partner's Soul. Oh, yes, you can do it! Start by doing it in mediation. Extend the energy of your heart to the other person—both in mediation on your own, and then try doing this together—relating through your Soul to the other person's Soul, using your long deep breath to power that precious Energy and see what happens! And also do this when you are front and center with them in your everyday life. Try Heart Breath (www.SoulAnswer.com/heart_breath.html) all the time! It is truly a miracle worker for you and for your partner.

Do everything to become courageous so you can talk from your hearts with each other. Listen to your partner's feelings, their anguish, their hopes, happinesses and their fears and respect that. Humans are amazingly complex. See their life from their own viewpoint. Honor this gift called a relationship enough to be honest, open, balanced and non-judgmental with one another.
Forgiveness is the way to heal wounds—not saying that the offense was OK, but so you can let go of the recurring hurt which then allows you to heal. And be sure to express yourself to them fully, with heart and without demands or blame as well. Look for occasions to help each other, including opportunities to soften and trim your own ways to better support your partner and most importantly your relationship. Make a regular habit of this, even if you need to keep regular dates with each other to be sure it happens.

And you can try repeating the amazing prayers that help turn these relationships around, or even attract a relationship—Adi Shakti (www.SoulAnswer.com/mother_planet.html) for your lady partner and So Purkh (www.SoulAnswer.com/so_purkh.html) for your man. Do them 11 times per day and watch for results! Or Mera Man Lochai (www.SoulAnswer.com/longing.html) for connection with your Beloved—whether that is with your Soul or the beloved Essence of your mate. And for a miracle—any miracle, try Dhan Dhan Ram Das Guru (www.SoulAnswer.com/dhan_dhan.html) 11 times per day. All of these tap into the Universal Mind sound current that creates Creation. You too can participate in this extraordinary flow!

However, my Dears, if you have tried all this, but your spouse has contracted the dread and ingrained habit of abuse towards yourself and/or your children, this is the time that Yogi Bhajan said that you should depart. You must stand for the worth of yourself and your sweet little ones and not participate in that degradation. Be Who you are, the Light of Life!

In any case, relationships are outrageous situations! They don't often seem to allow that coasting on great high feelings that so many of us expect from a relationship at the beginning. They offer challenges in which we get to face ourselves and our own shortsighted expectations. We get to plumb our depths to merge with our own brilliant Soul and find the same in the other person. They give us the opportunity to seek and create profound coziness. That is where God lives, you know! Don't forget, we're looking for One Soul in two bodies. That takes heaps of patience, and way deep respect, plus dropping our limiting expectations and then pile on oh, so much unconditional love! That's it, my Sweet Ones.

Train yourself to participate in the reality of Love at every moment, no matter what. That's what relationships are for! And if the relationship is over, that is no excuse to drop out of love with your own Great Self, your Soul. After all, that's when you really need that Greatest of Relationships more than ever!