As my mother's mouth moved to utter the words "Women can't be ministers" I felt a dagger rush into my heart. I was wounded in a way that changed my view of life forever. At 15 one is quite impressionable. One expects encouragement from a role model. It doesn't really matter anymore. I am a minister. All things happen in their own time.
The information my mother shared with me was important. In many ways it was a gift. Now, I understand that all conflicts in our relationships are those we have chosen to participate in for the benefit of our own growth and healing. Had that wound never occurred, the opportunity for me to distance myself from the toxicity of that situation would have certainly been delayed. My growth and progress became escalated by this experience.
Most of my life, as a psychic, has been a combination of two lifestyles. One, hiding my psychic ability. Two, embracing my psychic ability.
I've often hid because of two types of attention I receive. One, I live in world where at any given moment in time I can find any number of people who will tell me I am full of crap, a fraud, crazy, and for those trying to be generous, just misguided.
Or, I have people who want to befriend or utilize my services for free, or devote themselves to me as if I am guru. They expect me to know everything about everything, because I do have some extra sensory perception that exceeds their own. They are looking for magic.
What is one to do when they see dead people, auras, and have out of body experiences when they are wide awake? What would you do?
How would you share that information?
These are the questions I have lived with my entire life, and have learned to strike a balance with for three decades. It has only been in the last few years that I have finally embraced who I am, without fear of outside criticism, or relentless fanatics. Part of it is the old saying, "where ever you are, there you go".
I came to a point in my life where I simply couldn't avoid it any longer. A moment came in my life when I realized that although I had been CEO, a Marketing Diretor, and a Human Resource Manager, the only thing that made me feel like me, and as if I was truly making a contribution was my psychic work.
I finally realized that if something is who you are, it simply is who you are, no matter how many people tell you it isn't you. A belief in self regardless of external stimulation is clearly key to growth.
Amazingly, the moment I embraced the truth of who I am unconditionally, doors opened for me effortlessly. I felt happier than I had in a very long time. In short order I forgot everything about the external experience of being psychic, and just began to live the spiritual beauty of having an awareness that is slightly elevated all the time.
I began to see a huge increase in my intuition, and my ability to help others. I began to experience more joy in my life than I ever knew possible. Success always seemed to elude me. Now I saw it everywhere. Now as I sit here looking back on my years as a reluctant psychic, I wonder what took me so long to get here.
As a I psychic, I know that all things come in their own time, and when the time is right. I am no different than all the people I read. I'm just blessed to have a job that deals in the intangible and spiritual truth of who we all are.
Here's to life, to self, to embracing the truth of who you are, no matter who tells you you're crazy!