Disciplining our children is an important task. As they grow up, it is up to us to teach them right from wrong, and to convey to them good values. All of us want to make sure our children grow up to be responsible, productive and successful people, in addition to happy and content.
Much changed from the previous generations idea of discipline to what is acceptable nowadays. Just a generation or two ago, it was completely acceptable to "spank" a child when he misbehaved. Many people even believed that the parent who doesn't "spank" his kids, does not actually love them, or discipline them appropriately. The same behavior nowadays would result in the Child Protective Services showing up in your home and taking your kids away from you.
Physical punishment is unacceptable nowadays, and is considered child abuse.
So how do you discipline your children appropriately?
Of course, the most important thing you can do is provide your children with a good example. Your children are watching you, and you are their role model. When they are very young, you are their hero, and your actions are what they are going to imitate for the rest of their lives. Being a responsible parent entails providing for your child a legendary example, one that he will carry for the rest of his life.
Another tool for imparting good values is holding discussions. Talk with your children about values and about the distinctions of right and wrong. When you watch tv together, or read a book, watch a friend's behavior in school, or watch everyday life events, discuss with your child what happened. Ask open questions. Let them express their opinions and feelings. But in a non-threatening way, point them in the right direction. Point out the values you would like to teach them. Make these discussion a pleasant experience. Make sure not to make your child feel wrong, or feel lectured to. Give your child ample of opportunity to express their opinions, and listen. By listening, you will always know about your child's development and opinions.
Doing those two activities I mentioned above will give your child a sound foundation, and minimize the occasions on which you feel that you have to "teach your child a lesson", or punish him. However, occasionally, you will have to correct your child's behavior, and set boundaries. How to do that?
Your child, since he was born, learned from his environment. All of us learn from our environment. We observe the reactions and the consequences of our actions, and learn from them.
DON'T PUNISH YOUR CHILD!
If you punish your child, your child might be angry at you. He might think that the punishment is unfair. He might not always see the connection between his actions and the punishment. All this detracts from the lesson your child is learning.
The best way to "teach a lesson" is by creating a consequence, while expressing support and understanding.
Lets look at some examples.
1. Johnny (16) came last night late - an hour after his curfew. He was warned time and time again to come home on time, since the next day is a school day. The next morning he is very sleepy, gets up late, and shows up to school late.
The next evening, after he completes his homework, he wants to go out again to spend some time with his friends. His father tell him he has to stay home today. "I am sorry, Johnny, but today you can't go out. When you come home late, like you did yesterday, you are very tired in the morning, and you can't make it to school on time. You have to stay home today, to catch up on your sleep."
Johnny is not happy about this turn of events, and tries to argue, but all Dad has to offer is: "I know, it is disappointing,", and "I am sorry that you have to stay at home today, but this is only temporary".
As you can see, the father hasn't punished Johnny, the fact that he can't go out tonight is a consequence of his actions the day before.
2. Jennifer (5) has left her room unorganized, and the toys spread all over the floor. Her mother has asked her several times to tidy up her room, but she kept playing until it was bed time, and didn't pick up her toys.
The next day, Jennifer comes home to an organized and clean room, but the toys are missing. Jennifer asks where the toys are, and her mom answers "Jennifer, I had to clean up your room. You have left all your toys laying around, so I picked them up for you. It seems that at the moment you have more toys than you can handle. Don't worry, as soon as I see that you pick up your toys regularly and you can handle more toys, you will get your toys back". When Jennifer tries to argue, or uses the "unfair" statement, all Mom has to offer is "I know, you miss your toys", or "I am sorry, it is disappointing, but as you grow and become more organized, you will be able to handle more toys".
As you can see in these two examples, the parent is expressing compassion and understanding, and points out that the situation is a result of the child's behavior. The child has the complete control over the situation, he only has to prove that he cause has changed, so that the effect changes too.
Discipline that comes from love and understanding is easy and effective and soon shows results in everyday life.
As parents, we have the ability and the obligation to provide for our children the opportunity to be all that they can be and reach their maximum potential. My objective is to spread the word, and help parents everywhere do just that.
For the last 26 years, I have studied, researched and practiced the ways to develop a child's intelligence. I served as the principal of the School for Gifted Education for 5 years. As a result of this experience, I developed my own method and philosophy, that proved to be extremely successful with my own 2 highly gifted children.
In my newsletter, books and seminars, I share my experience and knowledge with other parents, who are interested in providing the best for their children.
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