Keys To Forgiveness

[Editors Note: Below is an excerpt from our EFT book, "The Heart & Soul of EFT and Beyond," focuses on how to make EFT even easier and more effective, by offering many tips, insights, and complementary holistic healing tools. Of the many areas we detailed, we found that forgiveness was an important one for full healing. This subject can often be an overlooked and misunderstood area in healing.

Forgiveness can’t be forced or rushed. Once a person understands its importance, though, it becomes a vital part of healing when appropriate. What follows is an excerpt from The Heart & Soul of EFT and Beyond on this subject. The book goes into more detail on this subject and many other areas that complement and deepen EFT]

Another place to go to deepen EFT or when it is not working is forgiveness, Forgiving is an important element on the journey to wholeness.

There are times in all of our lives when we are wronged by others or are in the wrong ourselves – and these transgressions sometimes stay with us, along with resentment and hatred. From Dr. Diamond’s perspective, such feelings produce a low thymus outlook and drain our life energy. On the other hand, forgiveness frees us to create a high thymus outlook, strengthen our life energy, and move forward with vibrance and love.

Forgiveness is actually a gift we give ourselves as much as or more than those who have wronged us. And, whether we have been the victims or perpetrators, forgiving and loving ourselves is an essential element of the journey to wholeness. Once we realize the importance of forgiveness, we can heed Samuel Johnson’s advice: “A wise person will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.”

Gaining this wisdom requires maturity and understanding. The path to creating a loving and joyful life is strewn with personal betrayals, transgressions, and violations. We all need to learn how to deal with them effectively and release any related negativity. Stuck emotions occupy space in our consciousness and make us prisoners of the past. They take us away from our true selves and our ability to live in the present moment, along with the higher, positive emotional states we want to cultivate. In addition to being happier, people who are more forgiving report fewer health problems. Forgiveness reduces stress, blood pressure, muscle tension, and depression.

Forgiveness is sometimes the missing ingredient in a complete healing.

Many people find it hard to forgive because they equate forgiveness with condoning other’s damaging behavior. This is not the case. We forgive for ourselves, to transcend judgment, increase our life energy, and experience love and joy. As EFT Expert Phillip Friedman simply states: “Forgiveness (of oneself and others) is a key to happiness.”

We may also fail to recognize that we have all been on both the giving and receiving end of such behavior. When wrestling with forgiveness, it is easy to overlook one’s own transgressions. Perhaps we might not have harmed others as much as we have been hurt ourselves. Awareness of being a transgressor as well as a victim can help us to be more forgiving and compassionate.
The Stages of Forgiveness

In the Lazaris audio The Incredible Force of Forgiveness (www.lazaris.com), he examines the process of forgiveness in stages, similar to those involved with grieving and illness. When forgiveness is difficult, examining each of these stages can be beneficial:

1. denial
2. self-blame
3. self-pity
4. indignation
5. then becoming more conscious in order to do a forgiveness process for integration

You can ask yourself how each one applies and use EFT to release any associated emotional charges as part of this process. With the speed and ease of EFT, completing all five stages need not take a long time, perhaps only an hour or a day. Even if it takes longer, the relief it brings is well worth the effort.
Be Set Free Fast (BSFF) Forgiveness Process

In addition to using EFT, we want to share another forgiveness process we use in combination with EFT. It comes from psychologist Larry Nims, author of Be Set Free Fast, another meridian-based healing modality.

1. Ask if you are ready to forgive. If not, process more or wait until another time.
2. If ready, tap on the point next to the nail of the little finger, which is on the heart meridian, on the ring finger side, while affirming “I now release my anger toward [name of offender] for [the particular action].”
3. Tap on the point next to the nail of the index finger, which is on the large intestine meridian, on the thumb side, while affirming “I now forgive [name of offending person] for [particular action].”
4. Repeat the anger release taps in Step 2, this time releasing anger toward yourself.
5. Repeat the forgiveness tapping in Step 3, this time forgiving yourself.

Larry Nims views clearing anger as an integral part of the forgiveness process. He also finds, as we do, that forgiving someone else includes forgiving yourself. You can also add affirmations that address related issues, such as how the forgiveness will affect your life and the consequences it has for others.

Bob’s Story: Forgiving His Father

Phillip once helped a client named Bob, who was in the process of forgiving his father for being controlling and abusive. They first did EFT to clear Bob’s anger toward his father. Once that was done, Phillip instructed Bob to tap on his little finger and say aloud, “I release the anger I have toward my father for his interference and excessive forcefulness.” With Phillip’s prompting, Bob then tapped on his index finger and said, “I forgive my father. I understand where he was coming from. I can accept his actions and their consequences, learn from them, and move on with my life.”

With Phillip’s guidance, Bob moved back to tapping his little finger and said, “I let go of any remaining anger I have toward myself on this issue.” And moving again to his index finger, he said, “I forgive myself and accept and love my father for the many good things he gave me, like laughter and independence. No one is perfect. Dad, I want you to find peace in yourself, so we can all be peaceful. In any event, I am at peace. I’m free to move on and live my life.”

When the process was complete, Bob let out a big sigh, feeling relaxed and tranquil toward his father and himself. In just twenty minutes, Bob completely released extreme emotional pain that had plagued him for over forty years.

Final Thought

Forgiveness may be viewed as a journey that evolves over time. Making steps toward forgiveness, even if not complete, is valuable. Like quitting an addiction or bad habit, it's also true that you need to be ready to start the forgiveness process. It is far healthier than repressing emotions and holding grudges.

For more information on our EFT book, The Heart & Soul of EFT and Beyond, go to http://www.gettingthru.org/beft.htm