Do your kids have pals with overly generous, permissive parents? Are they putting the pressure on you to be as loose with your child discipline, quick to part with your money and to say yes when your better judgment insists that you should resist the easy way out and say no? You are not alone. Modern society has made near impossible for a parent to deny a child any request no matter how unreasonable.
Television advertisements ramp your kids up to expect for you to jump when they say to and get ready to spend when they ask for the latest video games and gadgets that are promoted to their age group. If you dare to say no, expect an upheaval and that will jangle your nerves and destroy peace and harmony in your home. How dare you to have the audacity to deprive them of what Susie or Joey down the block have? They may also be wanting to know why they were so unlucky to be stuck with losers like your for parents, but they really don’t mean it; or do they?
If you have dared to risk the anger of your child by refusing to bow to their wishes, you are probably a better parent than they are telling you at the moment. They simply don’t appreciate that you are teaching them that instant gratification is not the answer to life-long happiness. Now that we have ascertained that our kids actually benefit from self discipline and being deprived of luxuries from time to time, how do we say no and maintain order at the family table?
The way to say no and live to tell the tale without a major headache lies with the foundation you laid before they ever start making demands for stuff they don’t need. Build a stable foundation that will assure your child that even if refuse him a toy or an activity that you do it out of love not the enjoyment of watching him suffer.
Make it a point to tell your kids often just how pleased you are of their accomplishments and that you love them. To tell them how much you love them several times a day does a lot for their self esteem and will do a lot to lay the groundwork for the times when you need to discipline them.
If you have developed workable methods for child discipline, it still might help to lessen the demands that your children make on you and your pocketbook. Here are some quick and easy ways to reduce the number of unreasonable demands you are face with on any given day.
Monitor the kids’ shows that your children watch. Make it your business to review every program to see what it’s about and what messages it sends before making it part of your child’s viewing list. In a perfect world we might even dump the television and have them read a book or get some exercise, but in reality we know that would be pretty hard to pull off. However, you might find that family oriented videos would fill their need for TV. The good thing about videos is that they don’t have advertisements and promotions that encourage your kids to go out and buy stuff. This may decrease the battles fought on the subject tremendously and this is a good thing.
If the consumer spending bug has already bitten your kids, you might have to resort to extreme disciplinary action to resolve it. Overspending can be very addictive as the number of maxed out credit cards and loan defaults indicate. It’s simply responsible parenting to teach your children self-discipline how to avoid this kind of negligent behavior. If you make your children comfortable with the word “NO” early on you may spare them the misery of financial failure and ruin in the future. In my mind, those are excellent reasons to tell a kid, “NO” and feel really good about it.
Allie Casey works with adults, families and young adults on issues including dealing with anxiety, codependency and depression. She is a popular speaker at support group meetings and is the webmaster of Cheap Family Vacations and Travel Destination Ideas