Valentine’s Day is now over. If you are single, how did you fare? Were you depressed? Did you ignore the day? Did you find your own way to enjoy it?
Wait a minute, you say. Why think about Valentine’s Day at all, since it has just passed. You feel safe for another 12 months. Maybe by then you’ll have a special man to give you a box of candy or a sexy card. So why think about it now? It’s because it is not a burning issue now that you may be more open to a new perspective on being single next Valentine’s Day.
Despite greater cultural acceptance of singles than ever before, society still puts a higher value on marriage than on being single. Try to imagine, instead, what it would be like if society placed no value on one’s marital status. Imagine that being single or married had no more value than the length of your nails.
Yet, society is in a state of flux, and the 100 million single men and women are a part of this flux. Whether you are single or married, you can be a part of helping society adjust to the transition. How? You can start by changing your own attitude about being single. You can share this new attitude with your family and friends – married and single.
You can be part of a cultural revolution that is inching its way into this new century, thanks in part to the Census Bureau’s report that over half of American adults (51%) are single. And, thanks to the national organization called Unmarried America (Unmarried.org). This is not a social group; it’s devoted to the financial, legal, health, and employment issues relevant for singles. A decade ago they organized a National Single’s Week, in September (not a day, but a week).
While it’s important to have an organization solely for singles, for a true cultural revolution, everyone needs to remove the value judgment about one’s life position. In fact, you can start here: How often are you asked, verbally or on a written form, for your marital status? Have you considered the implicit message, that the normal status is marriage, and you either have it or you don’t?
And have you seen how many wonderful web sites there are for singles, such as MySingleSpace.com; SingleEdition.com? These are not pity parties, rather gatherings where you hear from like-minded women and men. And, there is even a ring that is being worn all around the world (singelringen.com) just by singles. It’s a way of identifying you as part of an international community. You may not want to stay single, but while you are here, you are not alone; enjoy the company.
Applying a value-free approach to Valentine’s Day will give you freedom from feeling like a failure for being single. It will give you freedom from trying to ignore the day. You can return to the meaning Valentine’s Day had when you were in elementary school, when you exchanged cards with your friends. It was not about romantic love; it was about saying, “I acknowledge you in my life.”
This new perspective will be revolutionary for the meaning of Valentine’s Day in today’s society. So you have 12 months to prepare yourself for the next February 14, whether or not you will be single then.
For more help in that preparation, I invite you to visit the single’s page on my web DrKarenGailLewis.com for information on how to “teach” your parents and married friends to think differently about you as a single.
For over a decade, Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, a marriage and family therapist, has run Unique Retreats for Women (UniqueRetreatsForWomen.com). She has one retreat specifically for single women who want to participate in changing themselves, their family, and the world!