Why Did You Wait

Life goes by just so fast.

It seems like yesterday, I turned 20. Having just finished college, I wanted to take a couple of weeks off and do some traveling. Parts of California seemed to be calling my name but I decided I would wait, despite having the opportunity. It seemed finding work and saving the monies I had, would be a more practical strategy. Ironically, I never did manage to get to see what I wanted.

It seems like yesterday, I turned 30 and saw a woman I wanted to date. She seemed to have everything I ever wanted – looks, personality, great energy. I was going to ask her out but I decided to wait. It wasn't the right time as I was preparing to get a new job and may be moving. Turns out, I did not move, nor get the job. Nor did I ask her out, but I did get to meet her. She eventually became my best friend's wife.

It seems like yesterday, I turned 40 and decided to finally start a family. Having been married a few years, I thought I would enjoy family life. But I decided to wait. We had not moved into the ideal house and a few other factors were not quite right. A couple of years later, we did get that perfect house. By then, the biological clock has gone past the stroke of midnight and children were out of the question.

It seems like yesterday, I turned 50 and wanted to finally start my own business. I had been in the same job for almost 30 years and though it had the illusion of security, it was far from rewarding. In fact, it was just a job. A pay check. The passion that existed, if it ever existed, was long gone. What replaced it was a tedious 9-5 and a bimonthly pay check. I decided to wait to start the business however. I hung in with the job this long and could take early retirement in another 5 years. Then I will start the business. So I waited. Unfortunately, by then, my unique business which I would have absolutely loved, opened up down the street. Someone else had the same idea and made a not-so-small fortune doing it.

It seems like yesterday, I turned 60 and decided to retire. At least now I could finally start to live. At least now, I could finally do the things that I had put off or travel to the sights of my dreams. I decided to wait however. The economy was in a steep downturn and I was worried about my future. What if one of us got sick? Also the roof was looking a little roughed up. Dreams could always wait. The roof needed fixing soon.

It seems like yesterday, I turned 70 and I slowed down quite a bit. I wanted to go visit some friends and family that I had not seen in a while. Not sure when I would see them again. But I decided to wait. Gas prices were high and I really did not like driving the distance. Granted it was only 50 miles but Christmas was only 5 months away anyway. We would probably see each other then.

It seems like yesterday, Christmas came but I was too sick to see anyone. I wanted to say my last goodbyes but it was the holiday season so I decided to wait. Once the holidays were over, things would settle a bit and then we would have time to talk and catch up with family and friends.

It seems like yesterday, I died. In fact, it was yesterday.

I was told by the angels I would be seeing God in 3 days, so I decided to prepare for my last judgment. I looked at my life and realized I had made countless mistakes and careless errors. I hoped God would understand, but just in case I wrote down as many excuses, explanations, rationalization, alibis, justification and revisions as I would muster. I even threw in some glorious stories, whitewashing and song and dances. When all of these were exhausted, I could simply ask for forgiveness and then take my medicine appropriately.

The third day came and I met God. He was much smaller than I pictured, and after all these years, still no gray hair.

The most imposing thing was the loving aura and despite being in heaven, had an indescribably down-to-earth demeanor.

I was sweating the way I would sweat during one of my marathons that I imaged doing, but never got around to running. My heart was beating uncontrollably. I knew my myriad of excuses and stories was a pathetic scheme, unworthy of presenting to a human yet alone the One. Nonetheless I clutched my pages and pages of notes the way a baby chimp clutches her mother.

Then something strange happened. There was no judgment. No punishment. There was just love, a smile and one simple question:

“Why did you wait?”

Judgment was not needed. I had already judged the situations when I lived on Earth – judged instead of listened to His Voice whispering “stop waiting and go for it.”

I had already punished myself, so no punishment was needed. I missed out on people, places and opportunities that would have make an OK life, a glorious one. A gray life into one brimming with color and effervescence.

I was simply left with the question, “Why did you wait?”

The pain of trying to answer the question must have done it. I awoke to sweat soaked bed sheets, a pounding heart and a clock reading 3:09am. What a horrible nightmare.

I immediately got out of bed, put on my running shoes and started training for my marathon. It was 3:30 in the morning, hot and raining but so what. I wasn't waiting for dawn. I wasn't waiting for the rain to stop. I wasn't waiting for it to cool down. I wasn't waiting for my friends to join me.

In fact, I am never going to wait again.