7 Secrets To Happiness When You Live With Illness

As I write this article my 4-year-old son sits beside me with a cold and a little fever. All he has said since he woke up today is "I'm better now. I'm all better." Does our attitude change how we cope with illness and our level of happiness?

Everyone deals with the difficulties in their lives in variety of ways. People diagnosed with a chronic illness may put on a happy face and intentionally decide they will use this as an opportunity, doing their best to overcome any limitations it brings. Other people will drive home from the physician's office worried about how much longer they will be able to drive because of the depth of the pain. They'll lie down on the couch and rarely leave it for years. Why is it that some people thrive even though they have a chronic illness and other people simply survive, even using it as an excuse for anything that goes wrong in their life?

People who live with an illness and still radiate happiness and joyfulness for life have some things in common. None of us cope with our illness perfectly, so even if we tend to deal with it well, there is likely a tip below that we could use to improve our outlook on life.

People who live with an illness and who still are happy tend to have he following things in common:

[1] They possess hope. Research has shown that hope actually increases the speed at which people recover from surgery. Hope is vital and a necessary step in finding contentment despite our circumstances. The 2006 theme of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week was "My illness is invisible but my hope shines through." We all should live with this attitude.

[2] They persevere and keep going no matter what. Living with a chronic illness is painful! Emotionally, physically, and spiritually it has the ability to quickly drain our strength and spirit. Our health is one of the main things we depend on to help us conquer our dreams, even referring to the saying, "At least you have your health!" But people who live with chronic pain and still are happy have learned to persist in reaching for their dreams, or even re-examining their dreams in order to create new ones. At times, the news goals can be more exhausting than the original ones, but passion can create a lot of adrenaline.

[3] They are good advocates when it comes to their health. Paul J. Donoghue and Mary E. Siegel, authors of "Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired," write "Getting this help in a consistently satisfying manner is as essential as it is challenging. You will need perseverance, courage and skill. You will need to understand your needs and be committed to getting them" (p. 160). People who feel like they are part of the decision making process regarding their care and treatment, and who actively seek out doctors who partner with them, are more happy than those who feel out of control. For example, it's important to have a medical team that will understand your desire to have children, and will give you the best treatment if you decide to go forward with this, rather than punish you by giving you poor care.

[4] People with an illness who are happy tend to ask, "Why not me?" rather than "Why me?" They rarely play the victim card. To have this attitude takes effort if it doesn't come naturally. Many times people volunteer their time with organizations that may serve people who are also disadvantaged in some way. For example, they may volunteer for a group that serves others who live with illness, cancer, or who have left abusive homes, maybe even a pet shelter. They recognize that this world is not perfect and when things are going pretty well in their lives, it's as a blessing, not a right.

[5] They aren't overly sensitive and they don't take the comments of others too personally. If one has a strong foundation of faith this can make everything easier because one appreciates her value and worth as a person. She doesn't find her worth in her physical strength. She learns what she is answerable for (like an attitude) and not as responsible for (like an infection that keeps returning). This can help keep away unnecessary guilt for things out of her control.

[6] They communicate adeptly. Being able to talk with others, explain your feelings, learning to listen effectively, and watching your words carefully, can help you avoid a lot of troubles. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and arguments can affect your whole life and your body's capacity to cope with an illness. One must learn to manage bitterness and focus on healthy relationships. Happy people with illness are good at understanding when to talk about their illness and how much to share about their personal lives.

[7] They legitimately care about other people. Though no one wants to attend the "university of chronic illness" for their education, people who are happy allow their experiences to be a gift of knowledge. They can share successes and struggles with others. They are able to utilize their experiences as a way to help a friend or become a mentor. One secret of finding true happiness is to look outside of ourselves and reach out to other people.

J.K. Rowling, author, once said, "It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." This quote is perhaps one of the most wonderful examples of a good attitude for those with chronic illness.