Few of us look forward to confrontation. When we have “issues” with someone our energy has become strained or “jammed up.” We often feel the energy between us and this person has become a battleground and confronting them feels like we’re heading into battle. And as with any battleground, we have to arm and protect ourselves in anticipation of war. In any war there will be a winner and a loser. War-like confrontations often involve each side yelling and screaming to be heard, with each person taking the “I am right, and I want to be sure you know that I am right” attitude. We don’t go into a confrontation looking for a win-win solution; we each want to come out the winner. Trust me when I say, confrontations never work for anyone.
We must also take into consideration conflicts are unavoidable and arise on a daily basis. Each one of us is “a bundle of beliefs and opinions” that at times differs from someone else’s “bundles of beliefs and opinions.” It is important to call on our internal wisdom to guide us in knowing which conflicts to let go of, which to walk away from and which ones are important enough to have a conversation about. If you are willing to have a conversation with someone before the battle arises, you increase the possibility of a win/win solution. Here are 4 steps to having a peaceful conversation:
1. Have the conversation as soon as possible after the conflict arises.
The longer you wait, the more the splinter will fester and you’ll begin to leak energy. Each day that goes by without discussing it with the other person builds up more tension and conflict. You may even begin to have arguments about the situation in your own head, building your case for being right. In these conversations you will project the other person’s perspective about the conflict perhaps even making up what they are thinking, feeling and saying. Having the conversation as soon as possible after the conflict stops this insanity.
2. Take on the attitude that you are not “right” about this situation.
Both you and the other person have different perceptions and opinions to which each is entitled. Be open to listening to their point of view. Know that their point of view is just as real to them as your point of view is to you. Agree that you each have different perceptions. Once they feel acknowledged, they will be more apt to listen to your point of view. The road to resolution is not a one-way street.
3. Take a moment to get clear on what you want to express.
Enter into the conversation believing that you will hear and be heard and that each of you will eventually get to a place of understanding each other’s position. Each of you wants, and deserves, to be heard and validated. What is true for you is also true for the other person. Getting clear means that you stay within the topic of the conflict not bringing any other past issues into the conversation.
4. Before the conversation, sit quietly, move into your heart space and envision the outcome you desire.
See you and the other person having a great conversation, each listening to the other’s perception, shaking hands and both of you feeling like you’ve been victorious. Even if that means that you agree to disagree and respect each other’s perception. Listening, validating and respecting each other in itself can resolve the conflict.
And let’s face it:, there are people in this world who walk around so afraid of appearing vulnerable and weak that they see most situations as a “fight to be right,” or a “battle to be won.” When you come in conflict with such a person, have the wisdom to walk away. No conversations will ever be heard except the one inside you, with your inner guide encouraging you to ”walk away from this one,” and “send this person love,” because they sure could use an extra dose right now.
Be inspired this week to let go of the conflict. Ask your inner wisdom which conversations are yours to have. Ask for the courage to listen, validate and speak your truth. Believe in a win/win solution. Peace on earth happens as we individually clear our personal conflicts.
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Sharon Marquart is a Certified Life and Spiritual Coach, Public Speaker, Teacher and Published Author. Her coaching practice is, Living at Yes, (You Embracing Spirit). She inspires and motivates others to embrace the Spirit of life, to Know their Presence, to Feel their Power and to Live their Passions. Sharon is committed to motivate and inspire others to live their best life. Sharon has written “Living With Soulful Purpose, “ “9 Steps to a Happier Healthier You,” and “4 Principles for Living Abundantly.” She can be reached at www.Livingatyes.com or e-mail Sharon @Livingatyes.com