When we are dating, most of us have a mental “checklist” in our heads about what qualities we want to see in the other person. For example, maybe you’re tired of struggling to support yourself, so you want someone with a successful career so that you can quit your dead-end job and pursue your life’s dream of designing your own jewelry. Or perhaps you are very health oriented, so it’s important to you to be with someone who works out, watches her diet and is in good shape. It’s imperative to know what you’re looking for in a potential mate. But at the same time as you’re assessing others for the qualities you desire, the people that you come into contact with are assessing you to see what you “bring to the table”! Have you considered what YOU might have to offer a potential partner? We all have our strengths and weaknesses. And, sure, in a perfect world, our partner would accept us exactly as we are. But that’s not the way it is. If you want to “up your chances” of finding a partner, you need to take a realistic look at yourself in order to enhance your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Self-analysis and self-improvement are important tools for making yourself more attractive in others’ eyes and hearts.
For example, I have worked with many single women who believe that they are “entitled” to a free ride just because they are attractive. But they are not asking what they can give. I actually had a woman e-mail me two pages of her requirements in a man, which included, for instance: “My preference would be to live in Beverly Hills or Malibu, or have a place in both areas. I would love to travel, although my idea of roughing it is staying at the Four Seasons rather than the Peninsula or the Mandarin Oriental. My idea of camping is no blow drier. I prefer to work at my relationship rather than at a job. I love to travel, and I enjoy flying private, but I am okay with first or business class. Coach won’t suffice in air travel or handbags.” That was just a snippet . . . there was much more of the same. It was all about what the man was expected to provide for her. I was not surprised that she was never married at age forty with an attitude like that!
Another gal e-mailed me her feedback after a date and said, “He seemed a little boring to me. I like guys with lots of money who like to go around spending it. Scott would bore me really fast.” That gal went on hold for a while, then about six months later, she e-mailed me and wrote, “I think I will actually re-activate my membership. I want to change my profile slightly. Can you set me up with the absolutely richest guys you’ve got who want to spoil me rotten and do something exciting, even on the first date? That’s all. I don’t care where they live. I prefer to travel, but if they are local that’s fine. Let me know who you’ve got!” Wow! I had to sit at my desk for a few minutes and just digest that one.
Then there was the woman who told me on a feedback form that she would not see a guy again because “I started thinking how time-consuming it would be to keep going out with him over and over, and I just can’t take that much time away from writing and music. I tend to date guys who can help me somehow, whether with connections, financing, creative help or whatever.” Whoa! Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to want a man who is successful and has a nice lifestyle. I myself wouldn’t poo-poo living in a mansion or traveling the world first class, but a man wants to be wanted for who he is, not what he has.
Marla’s Bio
Marla Martenson is the hopelessly romantic matchmaker who believes that there is a top for every pot. Marla was born in Tacoma, Washington the “City of Destiny.” A true Gemini and natural born actress, she was “working the room” at the age of three when she was already demonstrating a flair for dialects and drama. At ten she was putting on variety shows for the neighborhood with a belly dance in full costume as the finale. As outgoing as she was, she also spent hours locked in her bedroom reading piles of books and writing poetry and short stories. At sixteen she was living in Iran with her family and attending Tehran American school where she was a cheerleader for the football team, and learning to speak French and Persian. When the revolution started, her family moved back to Washington State where she finished high school and a year of college and then headed for Hollywood. Marla soon found work doing television commercials and print modeling. To help pay the bills and hone her skills to tolerate the intolerable, Marla also did what most L.A. actors do…. She waited tables. In the early nineties she moved to Chicago and lived at the famous Tree Studios. Now back in Los Angeles, she has been working in the professional world of matchmaking since 2001, and she has introduced many couples that have gotten married. For those still looking, her enthusiasm continues to inspire and give people hope that yes you can find your soul mate. Marla found hers, Adolfo, six years ago. They were married in his hometown Mexico City in 2002.
A world traveler and culture nut, Marla describes herself as having French flair, a Persian heart, Italian fire and Mexican taste buds! Marla’s first book, Excuse Me, Your Soulmate is Waiting, will be in stores February 1st 2008.