How To Work A Room III: 2 Solid Techniques

I've been thinking about all that went on during Book Expo America and how to put that information to use for you guys so you can become even better at networking.

Today, I want to talk about a couple of points. But before we begin, I want to cover an important point about getting better at networking—or anything else in life.

This is about expanding your comfort zone. It's about becoming an even better version of who you are.

This is NOT about 'just being yourself.' As I've said before, 'just being yourself' is just a euphemism for being lazy.

When you want to get good at golf or tennis, you don't just say, "Well, I'm either naturally good at it or I'm not", then proceed to get clobbered by your better-trained opponents.

Nuh-uh. You go get a coach, and you get better at it. Slicing your drive or whiffing your serve consistently may be natural, but it makes you look like a dork and it's no fun. Oh yeah, and it makes you lose.

I'm here to help you WIN. Consistently. And for me to be able to do that, you have to help yourself win.

I'm saying all of this because these tips are going to ask you to do things that may seem outlandish or too much effort.

You may hear that inner voice whining, "Ahh, do I really have to go THAT far and carry a pen and notepad with me at all times and wear something mildly goofy?"

If you are committed to excellence, the answer is a resounding YES. You will go that far. And further if necessary. Ordinary measures get ordinary results. Extraordinary measures get extraordinary results.

So go ahead and crush that inner whine, and let's get on with the meat of the matter.

Now, one of the key things you want to do at a networking event is to cut it down to size.

This is because the central goal of networking is to have what I call "high-impact transactions", which fortuitously gives us the rather convenient acronym HIT. These are interactions that, because of their useful information content or emotional impact, increase the likelihood of seeing that person again in the future.

There are two ways you can get a HIT going: one-on-one, or one-on-many. I'm going to cover one technique for getting the one-on-one started, and another for getting the one-on-many.

One fellow at the Book Expo was wearing this ridiculously outsize name tag that said "Hi My Name Is SCOTT."

It hung around his neck and was 4 feet (1.2m) wide. You could spot it from three city blocks away.

As it turns out, Scott (aka Nametag Guy) was promoting his own book on networking. And he made a LOT of new friends (including yours truly).

That's what Leil Lowndes calls the 'whatzit'—the little something accessory that attracts attention and breaks the ice. A whatzit can be anything from the subtle (a pin, a brooch, a scarf) to the not-so-subtle (giant name tag).

I prefer to call it a 'distinguisher', because sometimes it's not an object at all, or it's your whole outfit or demeanor.

What I'm asking you to do is henceforth to ALWAYS have a distinguisher on you at networking events, whether business or social. This is your way of setting yourself off from the gray, bland masses and saying, "I'm the one you want to talk to."

Heck, people are at these events to talk, not to sit around like potted plants. So give them an excuse to start the interaction. A little initiative up front—investing time and effort in your distinguisher—allows you to be lazy later on, as you just sit there while people line up to meet you.

As my yoga teacher used to say, "The easy path leads to the hard life. The hard path leads to the easy life."

Examples of successful distinguishers: pin with funny slogan; irreverent T-shirt; business suit accessorized by feather boa; Mickey Mouse watch; outlandish hat; beads (on a guy); tie (on a woman); Australian accent (a natural distinguisher). You can come up with many more, I'm sure.

The second thing I want to talk about is how to get a one-on-many interaction going that's a HIT. You do this by having a good story or demonstration.

The story should be yours, 3-5 minutes in length, have a beginning, middle and end, and have emotional impact.

In the speaking trade, this is called a 'signature story'. We spent time on it in the Advanced Transformation Weekend.

Since you have to work on your own signature story, I'll give you a quick and interesting demo you can use instead. I like to talk about expanding comfort zones, so that's what this demo is about.

First, you want to introduce it. "Hey, I'm Scott, so nice to meet you. Y'know, isn't it funny how people tend to be a little reluctant to meet new people at these events, even though that's the main reason they're here?"

Wait for response, then: "Yeah, I guess it's all about expanding your comfort zone. Here, let me show you something."

Now, I want you to do this yourself: clasp your hands. Notice which thumb is on top. Now unclasp, and re-clasp, this time with the OTHER thumb on top.

Freaky, huh? Congratulations—you just expanded your comfort zone.

The whole thing took less than a minute. But you have just distinguished yourself as the most interesting person in the room so far, by doing something silly, fun, and enlightening.

So the principle here is:
1) Have a prelude to the demonstration
2) Engage several people to do it
3) Do the demonstration
4) Follow up with witty banter.

The point of the demo is not to suddenly turn into the goofball or jokester such that you won't be taken seriously, but to do something that gets attention and distinguishes you, preparing the ground for meaningful interaction.

That's all for now. And remember to send me your questions and comments to dralex@thetaoofdating.com.

The power is within you,
Dr Alex