Having compassion toward others is a gift of connectedness you give yourself and a gift of presence you give others. While difficult to define, compassion is a way of being, and you will see the definition emerge among the three concepts presented here.
1. Compassion involves seeing others as "self."
No matter how different others are, or how different their circumstances are from yours, we all want essentially the same things from life. We want happiness, satisfaction and love. We want connectedness, safety and understanding.
When you are struggling to feel compassion for others, struggling to put yourself in their shoes, struggling to understand what they are going through, remember this similarity. Remember that everyone ultimately wants what you want.
2. Compassion does not involve self-sacrifice or martyrdom at your expense.
When in a disagreement with someone -- whether your partner, a friend or your boss -- remember to see the other as "self." At the same time, be careful not to mistake compassion for being a pushover. Don't justify another's behavior at the cost of your feelings or discount your feelings.
Being compassionate in the context of disagreement means being understanding, supportive and kind, while respecting and setting your boundaries. You must be present to both simultaneously in order to both take care of yourself and others.
3. Compassion gives you a sense of connectedness.
Having compassion means opening your heart to others. It also means residing in your heart when interacting with others. This can be especially challenging when compassion is most needed. But it is well worth the effort.
When you show others compassion, they get to experience being heard and cared for when most needed. This allows you to connect with others in a meaningful way and feel more alive and loved.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
As a Master Certified professional relationship coach, Rinatta Paries works with hundreds of singles each month seeking her expertise in helping them find and attract loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. Nearly 10,000 subscribers read her weekly ezine, "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," filled with insightful, applicable and attainable relationship advice. Rinatta is a graduate of Coach University, a premier educational institution for training professional coaches, and a member of the International Coach Federation, an independent coaching certification organization. For more information, visit www.WhatItTakes.com